Thoughts of the Past - V

Aditi,

I have no idea of how to start this mail. For the past few days, I had been thinking of writing to you but every time I realize how late it has been, I simply save it as a draft. Somehow I have gathered the courage to hit the submit button today...because I am badly missing you.This is going to be a heck of a mail and pardon my grammar because I am really not in a state to flaunt it. I just want you to listen to me..just like good old days.

Perhaps it is too late to congratulate you on your marriage, but I wish you both a happy married life. I did get your card while at home but intentionally avoided your calls.Trust me...I would have ruined your day.But now that I look back upon it, it feels so stupid. Anyway, I would love to talk about it when I call you but there is something else which I need to tell you.

Aditi...there was one thing which I never told you while at college.Do you remember how I scoffed off at the idea of falling in for anyone and mostly for Ryan. To tell you the truth, I was madly in love with him since then.

Initially I never accepted it but when I realized where exactly my feelings led to, it was difficult to turn back.I never told him about it because I felt somewhere in his heart, he too had feelings for me. I waited for him to tell me and my wait never ended.I loved him a lot Aditi and I still don't believe it. Ryan is not the type of guy I had dreamt to spend my life with. He doesn't fit into many of the criteria that I had set for my life partner but I still ended up feeling for him.It was a terrible feeling to feel for him and simultaneously discard the thought that I felt for him.I liked being with him and life was so easy with him.Being together seemed so permanent that I had never thought of trying to make it permanent. Not until Ryan told us about his commitment did I ever imagine that he could like someone else. Aditi...perhaps I can never tell you how difficult it is... to know ....that "someone you loved and lived for.... was feeling the same way... for someone else".What hurt me most was not that he did not reciprocate my feelings...but the fact that he never respected our friendship.I shared with him each and everything and he did not tell me the most important thing happening in his life.There have been days here when I have repented for not confessing my feelings to him...but now... precisely after one year...I do not feel the same.To have loved him was not a mistake but a blunder. Feeling for him was so involuntary but mending it is not. Its difficult to hate him but I really do want to.

Aditi,this would be the last time that I would be talking to you about Ryan.I do not want you to ever tell me where he is or how he is.I wrote this mail to you because I did not want to lose you or Anand because of all this.By the way, I forgot to tell you...Anand is here in States for a couple of months and he is coming over to my University next weekend.How has it been between you both and does Vishal know about it?Come to think about it, I think I should better give you a call this weekend. Mail me your number and convey my regards to Vishal.Talk to you soon!

- Rya

PS: I think I am fine :)

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After reading the mail, Aditi smiled to herself and switched on the TV. The door bell rang. It was Ryan.

"Ready?" - asked Ryan.

"Yes.Give me a minute". She went inside to get her purse.

On way,Ryan kept talking about something or the other but Aditi was lost in her thoughts. At times, years fly by and at times one year seems to be like an eon - thought Aditi. She did not mention Rya to Ryan. 

On reaching the reception desk of their destination, she was once again asked to fill up one of the numerous forms as a part of the hospital formalities. She could fill the details even in the dark.


Form

Name:    Aditi Sharma

Wife of:  Late Vishal Mehra

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(To be Continued...)