It has been quite a long time since I didn't sleep through the night. One such night was yesterday. I had slight fever earlier in the evening. Thanks to my husband who got the medicines even late at night, I found some respite from the condescending cold and flu who love me way too much. But I woke up around 3 am and haven't been able to sleep after that. I dread this hour and to my luck, here I was wide awake. I thought of talking to my friends staying in the other side of the world. It would have been easy and comforting too but for some reason I chose not to. I started searching randomly scholarly articles over the net. Got bored of it and soon turned to Facebook for something interesting in other people's lives. I was further bored and irritated reading their judgments and opinions. Finally took to self-introspection and I found respite.
What was bothering me? Why was I unhappy despite having a good family, life partner, work, interests and few close friends? What was it that was paining me? Bothering me? I knew the answer deep down inside of me. Past few days at work had been very tough. I was doing my best at work and I was happy. Being the person I am, I self appraise myself and if I am happy, I knew there was nothing amiss. I had received my share of appreciation too and was building my way up the ladder. I was at my authentic best too.But there was something apart from this which I was experiencing for the first time. I could sense discontent amongst my team members for the path I had taken. They came wearing the mask of friendship and had begun to stab me from behind.I was not sure if its the insecurity or the politics of collaboration that was hurting me. I had begun to feel lonely. I wasn't used to this atmosphere. I always had genuine friends at workplace. I am used to the times when we as friends, together found our solace in venting out our frustration against our manager/supervisor. But here the case was different. I was experiencing to be in the shoes of someone else. For the first time I realised that work isn't everything in the corporate. It is just one aspect of the entire marathon.
I am not sure how I will cope with it. After about 3 hours of deep thought, I have decided to seek a professional mentor out of my company. I aspire many things but peace and happiness over throw everything else. One thing I learnt for sure. As and when I climb up the ladder, it becomes more imperative for me to study people, analyze them and ensure only a few go through the night I have had today.
What was bothering me? Why was I unhappy despite having a good family, life partner, work, interests and few close friends? What was it that was paining me? Bothering me? I knew the answer deep down inside of me. Past few days at work had been very tough. I was doing my best at work and I was happy. Being the person I am, I self appraise myself and if I am happy, I knew there was nothing amiss. I had received my share of appreciation too and was building my way up the ladder. I was at my authentic best too.But there was something apart from this which I was experiencing for the first time. I could sense discontent amongst my team members for the path I had taken. They came wearing the mask of friendship and had begun to stab me from behind.I was not sure if its the insecurity or the politics of collaboration that was hurting me. I had begun to feel lonely. I wasn't used to this atmosphere. I always had genuine friends at workplace. I am used to the times when we as friends, together found our solace in venting out our frustration against our manager/supervisor. But here the case was different. I was experiencing to be in the shoes of someone else. For the first time I realised that work isn't everything in the corporate. It is just one aspect of the entire marathon.
I am not sure how I will cope with it. After about 3 hours of deep thought, I have decided to seek a professional mentor out of my company. I aspire many things but peace and happiness over throw everything else. One thing I learnt for sure. As and when I climb up the ladder, it becomes more imperative for me to study people, analyze them and ensure only a few go through the night I have had today.
