Thoughts of the Past - VIII

She kept looking at the card. She tried not to believe it but she had to. Anand was marrying in a week’s time and there was nothing which Aditi could think of to stop it. She did not understand why it bothered her. Anand did ask her to marry him but it was she who had denied it. She failed to understand herself. She did not know what to do. She knew that she needed to talk to someone. She did not know how to contact Rya. She felt helpless. She called up Ryan.

“Hello. Ryan here.”

“Hi…” – said Aditi in a choked manner.

“Aditi? … Aditi...is it you?”

“Ryan, can u come over to my place?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

***********************************************************************

Aditi opened the door and Ryan found her in tears.

“What’s the matter?”

“Anand is getting married.”

“Who told you?”

“This.”- said Aditi and showed the card.

“You opened my bag?” – cried Ryan.

“And you did not tell me about it?”

“Aditi. I had come to tell you about it. But Rya took my mind off it. I am so sorry.”

“He is getting married!!I can’t believe it.” – exclaimed Aditi.

“But why does it bother you? You did not want to marry him and if he wants to start his life anew, what’s wrong in it?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t know. I mean, it should not have bothered me at all but I don’t know why it makes me sad. Somewhere deep down my heart, I believed that Anand still loved me. To tell you the truth, I still haven’t forgotten him Ryan.”

“Why did you turn him down for marriage?

“I wanted him to ask me face to face. I did not want to marry someone who proposed me through a letter. I was adamant on it. I never told him a NO. I just did not reply to him. Having known me all these years, I thought he would understand me. It was my arrogance speaking but at the end of it, I lost him. I lost him Ryan...not just once but twice.” – sobbed Aditi.

“I think you should talk to him.”

“About what? What should I tell him Ryan? … That even after being married to someone else, having loved someone else and having been a widow of someone else, I still haven’t forgotten him?? Or should I tell him that his thoughts still comfort me?? Or should I tell him that I still like him the way I did 8 years before?? My heart may play truant but not my mind Ryan. I don’t want to complicate things now. He never came in between Vishal and me. I don’t want to ruin his life. I just can’t do it.”-  cried Aditi.

“Aditi. Just answer this. Do you still love him- YES or NO?”

“If every question had an answer in Yes/No, we would have a few words in the dictionaries Ryan.”

“Yes or a NO?”

“Ryan…you don’t understand. It doesn’t even matter.”

“Yes or a NO?”

“Yes. I do.” – said Aditi.

Ryan smiled and took hold of Aditi’s hands and dragged her away with him towards the car parked outside. He drove off.

***********************************************************************

They stopped in front of a house. Ryan got down and opened the door for Aditi.

“Where are we Ryan? Why did you get me here?” – asked Aditi with eyes of suspicion.

“It’s Anand’s house Aditi. He bought it just to stay close to you. He never came in front of you because he could not see you this way. He has always perceived you as the bubbly girl he knew at college. It pained him to see you like this. He doesn’t stay here always but whenever he gets time, he comes here just to see you. He is still very much in love with you Aditi. Trust me.”

“And the card?” – asked Aditi with an askance.

“It was fabricated by me. I knew you loved him still. I just had to elicit it out of you. Aditi, don’t let your ego come in between you. You deserve a better life dear.”

Aditi looked at Ryan and hugged him.

***********************************************************************

Ryan rang the door bell.

Anand opened it. He was dumb founded.

Ryan smiled looking at Anand and left.

Aditi and Anand kept looking at each other and neither of them spoke.

Finally Anand said, “Come inside. It’s cold outside.”

Aditi went inside and Anand locked the door from behind. They sat in the living room. They still did not know what to say. They sat for almost half an hour without saying a word and then finally Aditi got up.

“I think I should leave.” – said Aditi.

“You still haven’t replied to me Aditi.” – asked Anand.

“Reply to what?”

“To my letter.” – said Anand.

“If I say that I never got it…” – said Aditi and looked towards Anand.

“Then I must say that you still haven’t changed at all and I like you being this way.” – cried Anand.

Anand continued “Aditi, will you marry me?”

“Is it out of sympathy?” – asked Aditi with a smirk.

“No. It is because it has always been you for me. I have never thought a life without you Aditi. I want to grow old with you Aditi.”

Aditi had tears in her eyes and she ran towards Anand and hugged him.

“I hope it’s not a dream Anand. I love you and I do want to marry you.”

They looked at each other and shared the most passionate kiss ever.

(To be continued...)

Thoughts of the Past - VII

3 years later 

Aditi never replied to any of Rya’s mails. She had taken up the job of a lecturer at the engineering college where she studied. Her parents tried convincing her to come back home and start life afresh but she did not relent. She had a modest life within the college campus and Ryan was one of the few visitors whom she entertained. Occasionally Ryan took her out for dinners but nothing could bring back her smile. She would wear a constant expression on her face which was neither of joy nor of sorrow. She had become indifferent towards everything in life.

3 years had changed nothing in her life except for the fact that she had become more mature about it. At times she smiled when Ryan bantered with the waitresses on their regular Saturday night dinners. Ryan had always been with her all this time. He had 4 flings in the mean time and none of them lasted for more than a month. His affairs were never a secret to Aditi and after every break up, Ryan was always greeted with a smile from her. They never discussed how it was to be interpreted. Aditi never went out with any one though she was approached by many. According to her, she had her share of love and she did not want more of it. The past three years had brought Aditi and Ryan more close than they ever were. They understood each other perfectly except for the moments when they scanned through old photographs. There was always an awkward silence reigning. Aditi still did not understand Ryan’s point of view for Rya and Ryan never understood Aditi’s stand for Anand.

2 years before, Aditi had received a letter from Anand asking her to marry him. Aditi never replied him back too.

One day, while Aditi was buying her usual stock of groceries from a near by departmental store, she heard a familiar voice at the counter. The person was asking the cashier about some address. Aditi kept looking towards the counter. She knew that she knew this person but something in her held her back. She was standing…standing still and staring…waiting…waiting for something to happen. She did not want to hide. She did not want to run away. She did not want to shout either. She just wanted the person to look back. And finally it happened. There she was standing…her partner in every crime, her bench mate, her confidant and her best friend – Rya.

“Aditi!” – exclaimed Rya and came running towards her. They had the best hug ever.

“Where were you? How have you been? Why the hell did you never reply to my mails? Why why and why?????....I missed you so much!” – sobbed Rya.

Aditi replied “Let’s go home.”

They left the store for home.

***********************************************************************

Aditi and Rya sat on the sofa sipping tea and neither of them spoke for a long time.

Finally, Rya asked “Why did you never reply to my mails Aditi?”

“What would I reply?”- snapped Aditi.

“Anything Aditi. Anything. I wanted to talk to you.You could have given me your number. I would have called you. I wanted to be with you. “

“And how would that have mattered to me Rya. Fact is fact. I had to embrace reality and you, sitting thousands of kilometers away from me, could have done nothing to alleviate it. The most that you could have done is, may be write a few more mails asking me to move on in life, a few words of sympathy over a call etc etc. I did not need any of that Rya. I needed time…for the wounds to heal.” – said Aditi and smiled.

Rya did not what to say. She was blank. She managed to divert the topic and asked Aditi about how she had been all this while. They talked and talked for hours but Aditi did not mention Ryan to her…even for once. Rya was done with her Master’s and was now pursuing her PhD. She would be done with it by next year end. She had come to India for the first time since she left for US. She seemed pretty happy and upbeat about life.  

At this point of time,the door bell rang. Aditi went to open the door.

“Who is it Aditi?” – asked Rya when Aditi came back.

Ryan followed her.

Rya stood up on seeing him. In a moment, everything flashed back her mind. The fresher’s night, their friendship, the college days, the final year, the years thereafter…everything. Ryan had not changed at all. He still sported his rimless specs and had the same coiffure. He was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans. The only difference was that now he had more grey hairs. To Ryan, Rya looked entirely different. She had become fair, elegant and attractive. For the first time, he found her beautiful. He had always been in love with her but never attracted to her so profoundly.

They stood for a long time amidst an odd silence. None of them dared break it. Rather, they found it comforting.

Finally Aditi spoke “Ryan, have a seat. I will get some snacks and a cup of coffee for you. Rya, do you want coffee?”

Rya did not answer. Aditi asked her again and she denied. Aditi left for the kitchen.

They had so much to say that they did know where to start and how to start. 4 years had passed by since they met for the last time.

“How are you?” – asked Ryan

“Fine.”

“Hmm. And your studies? In job?”

“No. I am doing my PhD. Hopefully I should be done with it by next year end.”- said Rya.

“Any plans of coming back to India?” – continued Ryan when he was cut short by Rya.

“Cut the crap Ryan. How does it even bother you? Do you still think we are friends?”

“I think we always were.”

“No. We never were. Think about it Ryan and then come back to me.”

Rya got up to leave. Ryan held her hand and asked her “One last question Rya, why did you never reply back to my mails?”

Rya looked back, freed her hand from his clutch and said “I did not think it to be necessary.”

And she left. Ryan stood speechless. He looked back and found Aditi standing. She went inside. He left.

Late at night, when Aditi was going to sleep, she found Ryan’s bag lying on the sofa. She picked it up and placed it on the side table near her bed. She was about to resume her novel when she thought of opening it. It was against her morals but something inside her kept pestering her to do so. Finally she gave in and opened the bag. There was a notebook, a pen and a jacket inside. Nothing extraordinary. She took out the notebook and opened it. The handwriting seemed familiar. She knew it. She had seen it somewhere. She remembered it finally. Rya had shown her the notes which she used to receive way back in college and this handwriting matched with that of it.

“So, it had always been Rya for him and he still doesn’t want to tell her about it.”-  thought Aditi.

She closed the notebook and was about to place it inside the bag when a card fell from it. It was a wedding card. She picked it up. A chill ran down her spine. One of the names was familiar.

It read “Anand weds Sangeeta”.

(To be continued…)

  

Thoughts of the Past - VI

“So what did you decide finally?” – asked Ryan looking towards Aditi.

Aditi sat still. She did not answer his question. But her pretence to ignore the question was not compelling enough for Ryan. He did not stop being adamant about it.

Finally she muttered “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean by you don’t know. You cannot just leave things this way. You have had enough of people deciding what you should do and what you should not. Aditi, life is what we decide it to be and not what we let situations and circumstances turn it into.”

“Ryan…I am tired of everything. And to be frank, I don’t really need you to lecture me on life and stuffs right now.”

“I can understand Aditi and I know what you have been through but I cannot leave you like this. I think you should forget…”

“Forget???...Whom Ryan… Whom? How many times should I resort to this word? I had hardly forgotten Anand when Vishal entered my life. It’s not easy to forget someone Ryan. Anand was my love and it was not easy to let go of him. Marriage was a misnomer for me. Every time Vishal touched me, I wanted Anand to be there instead. I avoided him and he respected it. Marriage was hell Ryan…it was a complete hell and most importantly, I was punishing someone who wasn’t even remotely responsible for the things that happened to me. Vishal was a nice guy and I was hurting him for trying to be a good husband. But with time, I learnt to love him. And the feeling was not under any compulsion. I actually started loving him. I had imagined growing old with him but my wish was never in the wish list of my fate. Vishal seems to be a figment of my reality now. No matter how much I move on, I  do not really think that one can ever forget someone whom he/she has loved even for one single day of his/her life. The worst part is it I don’t even know what I did to deserve losing the two persons I had loved in my life.”

 Ryan was silent. He did not know what to say. He had two failed relationships within a year and he did not care for either. In his quest for the right person, he broke up twice and now he did not believe in the whole idea of falling in love. He had directed his entire attention to his career and was doing well in his job. Ryan was not in contact with any of his friends after Aditi’s marriage. His first break up was a sudden one and within one month of his graduating from college. The differences between them were too much to try working on them. His second relationship lasted for more than eight months but eventually they broke up owing to a difference in opinion between both of them regarding marriage. Ryan was still confused if she was the right person to be his wife. Somewhere he felt a link missing between them. He confessed it to her and the relationship ended. Ryan was not penitent either. At the age of 24, he wondered about how people could take decisions about commitment and marriage from such an early age. Clearly, Aditi’s words made no sense to him.

He asked Aditi “How can you be so sure of love Aditi. Love to me is just a habit to stay confined within your comfort zone and sometimes, you are so well settled there that you give it the name of commitment. Very few people have the guts to break this habit because you just don’t want to come out of your comfort zone, even when you know there is someone else out there with whom you can have a better life with. Falling in Love is not absolute. It is always relative. It takes a life time to find the person you are actually compatible with. You got to meet many people to decide whom you actually want to spend your life with. You cannot possibly dare to think that losing two people whom you thought you were in love with would bring an end to this precious life of yours. You are not born just to fall in love or be married to somebody. You definitely have a better purpose in life.”

Aditi retorted “It doesn’t always have to be a life time to know who you are in love with Ryan. While waiting for the right person, you may actually lose someone who could have been yours to someone else. You can never compare people because everyone is different. Love may be a habit but definitely a good one and I don’t want to break it. And there never is a better purpose in life as compared to sharing your life with someone you love because without it, everything else doesn’t matter.”

There was pin drop silence after this and neither of them spoke for the next few minutes.

Finally Ryan said “I don’t think there is any point discussing it Aditi. Let me drop you at home.”

“Ryan...I always wanted to ask you something…why you never proposed Rya.”- asked Aditi and looked up at Ryan.

Ryan answered “I did not want to lose her…ever.”

“Lose her???Are you even in contact with her? And what made you think that she would say a NO to you?”

“She would not. I always knew that she loved me.”

“What! You knew it? And you still did not? Don’t tell me that you never loved her. Every one of us knew that you did.”

 “May be I did. But love always carries with it the risk of a break up. You can always come back to a friend but never to your love. I respect Rya more than I love her.” -  said Ryan and smiled at Aditi.

“You know what…you are a hypocrite and the biggest coward I have ever come across. And I am happy that Rya is not with you. She definitely deserves someone better than you.”

Aditi walked away.

“I know” said Ryan and stood with the most enigmatic expression on his face.

He knew what he had been through. On the fresher’s night itself, he had fallen in for Rya. He always wore a mask of indifference towards her to avoid losing her. Ryan had thought of proposing Rya in the final year but Aditi’s and Anand’s break up deterred him from doing so. Moreover, he never wanted Rya to stay back in India because of him. He brushed aside the idea of ever confessing his feelings to her. He had known Rya well enough to understand that she too wanted to be with him. But he had decided against it. After college, he had written a few mails to Rya but he never got a reply for any. He never wanted to lose her as a friend but eventually he did. And he still did not regret his decision. He wanted to take safe decisions with the right persons in his life.

One week later

My dear Aditi,

I don’t know where you are or how you are. I tried reaching you on your number which Anand gave me but it says that it is temporarily out of service. I have been trying to reach you ever since. Anand told me everything. I am so sorry for you. I don’t know what to say to you but please do take care of yourself. I am always with you. If you find it possible on your part to talk to me, I am just a call away.

Love,

Rya.

(To be continued...) 

Thoughts of the Past - V

Aditi,

I have no idea of how to start this mail. For the past few days, I had been thinking of writing to you but every time I realize how late it has been, I simply save it as a draft. Somehow I have gathered the courage to hit the submit button today...because I am badly missing you.This is going to be a heck of a mail and pardon my grammar because I am really not in a state to flaunt it. I just want you to listen to me..just like good old days.

Perhaps it is too late to congratulate you on your marriage, but I wish you both a happy married life. I did get your card while at home but intentionally avoided your calls.Trust me...I would have ruined your day.But now that I look back upon it, it feels so stupid. Anyway, I would love to talk about it when I call you but there is something else which I need to tell you.

Aditi...there was one thing which I never told you while at college.Do you remember how I scoffed off at the idea of falling in for anyone and mostly for Ryan. To tell you the truth, I was madly in love with him since then.

Initially I never accepted it but when I realized where exactly my feelings led to, it was difficult to turn back.I never told him about it because I felt somewhere in his heart, he too had feelings for me. I waited for him to tell me and my wait never ended.I loved him a lot Aditi and I still don't believe it. Ryan is not the type of guy I had dreamt to spend my life with. He doesn't fit into many of the criteria that I had set for my life partner but I still ended up feeling for him.It was a terrible feeling to feel for him and simultaneously discard the thought that I felt for him.I liked being with him and life was so easy with him.Being together seemed so permanent that I had never thought of trying to make it permanent. Not until Ryan told us about his commitment did I ever imagine that he could like someone else. Aditi...perhaps I can never tell you how difficult it is... to know ....that "someone you loved and lived for.... was feeling the same way... for someone else".What hurt me most was not that he did not reciprocate my feelings...but the fact that he never respected our friendship.I shared with him each and everything and he did not tell me the most important thing happening in his life.There have been days here when I have repented for not confessing my feelings to him...but now... precisely after one year...I do not feel the same.To have loved him was not a mistake but a blunder. Feeling for him was so involuntary but mending it is not. Its difficult to hate him but I really do want to.

Aditi,this would be the last time that I would be talking to you about Ryan.I do not want you to ever tell me where he is or how he is.I wrote this mail to you because I did not want to lose you or Anand because of all this.By the way, I forgot to tell you...Anand is here in States for a couple of months and he is coming over to my University next weekend.How has it been between you both and does Vishal know about it?Come to think about it, I think I should better give you a call this weekend. Mail me your number and convey my regards to Vishal.Talk to you soon!

- Rya

PS: I think I am fine :)

**********************************************************************************

After reading the mail, Aditi smiled to herself and switched on the TV. The door bell rang. It was Ryan.

"Ready?" - asked Ryan.

"Yes.Give me a minute". She went inside to get her purse.

On way,Ryan kept talking about something or the other but Aditi was lost in her thoughts. At times, years fly by and at times one year seems to be like an eon - thought Aditi. She did not mention Rya to Ryan. 

On reaching the reception desk of their destination, she was once again asked to fill up one of the numerous forms as a part of the hospital formalities. She could fill the details even in the dark.


Form

Name:    Aditi Sharma

Wife of:  Late Vishal Mehra

..............

..............

..............

(To be Continued...)

Thoughts of the Past - IV

It had been 2 years since Rya received that final note.Fortunately or unfortunately she never read it. She never felt the necessity or the urge to even think about it. Ryan had changed her life totally. She felt completely understood by him. Rya had graduated from a pessimistic realist to an incorrigible optimist. There was a paradigm shift in the way she perceived life.She was happy after a pretty long time but she had one regret.She always felt that she failed to understand Ryan at times.He was a very good friend of hers but he was unfathomable.Or may be he preferred to be this way. Two years had metamorphosed him from inside. The flippant in him had taken a back seat and he took life seriously. He talked, he smiled,he lived life but....he was just not the Ryan whom Rya knew two winters back.

It was the final semester on campus and everyone was busy trying to steer their careers in the right direction. There was no time for juvenile love. It was the season of placements. Aditi had got through Feloitte on the first day itself. It was the second day of placement and Rya, Ryan and Anand had been short listed for a PI in NcMinsey. They were awaiting for the results when Aditi came to meet Rya at the college canteen. Ryan seemed tense but Anand was alarmingly calm. His calmness faltered on seeing Aditi. Aditi muttered a casual "Hi" to both of them but Anand was too preoccupied in his thoughts to note it.

Aditi and Anand did not talk to each other. After their supposedly break up in the summer of the first year, they got back together in the winter of their sophomore year. Their relationship was a steady one this time. The apprehensions of infatuation got buried under the quagmires of maturity. They had planned their whole life with each other and were supposed to get married two years after college. Aditi's parents had agreed and Anand's family was only left to be convinced.Aditi had always wanted Anand to talk to his parents about them but Anand always deferred it asking for some more time. He wanted to tell it to them after he got through his MBA. And he would do it but for an unfortunate incident which shattered their lives. Anand was in his sixth semester when he got a call from his mother one day asking him to come over to his home immediately. His father had a heart attack and he was admitted to hospital.Anand's father expired before he could see him. He was devastated with this and he gave up all plans for his higher studies and decided to do a job and stay with his mother after college. Aditi's parents were keen on having a highly qualified son-in-law and Anand's decision was obviously a disappointment to them. Anand was too mature not to get the right signs and he decided to call off his relationship with Aditi. Aditi was shattered and she insisted on leaving her parents to be with Anand. But Anand never budged from his decision. Aditi tried a lot to mend things from both the sides but finally she gave up. Anand felt that Aditi had moved on since then....at least she pretended to. And things were never ever the same like before.

There was a sudden rush of people towards the college noticeboard to check the final list of short-listed candidates.NcMinsey was one of the dream companies and everyone vied for it. Rya ran to see the list and silently kept praying to God for the three of them to be short listed.She desperately wanted Ryan to be with her after college too. She had never dreamt of a day without him and to her delight, Ryan and she had been recruited by their dream companies. She looked back at Ryan and gave him the best smile she had ever given to anyone. Soon she realized that, Anand was also a part of it. She looked for his name but she did not find it. She cross checked again but in vain. It was difficult to tell Anand about it. Anand had been an acer since his 1st semester but he had been failing in almost everything that he tried to do after his father's death. He suffered a year back too but NcMinsey had offered him with a new hope for the brighter side of things. Anand went to see the check list for himself and then left immediately without meeting any one of them.

The placement season continued with the daily affair of some students revelling while some heading back to hostel to start preparing for the next company. By the end of the semester, 98% of the batch was placed and Anand was one of them. He was placed in Paccenture. The end terms were about to start in a week. Rya suggested everyone to meet over a cup of coffee at a nearby Cafe Coffee Day. It was a nostalgic moment for all of them since they knew it that this was the last time when they would be sipping coffee together. It was difficult to even remember when they had it the previous time.

"Guys! Do you people realize that in less than a month's time, we are all going to be separated.May be Ryan and I will be together..but its not going to be like this any more" - said Rya.

There was an echoing silence. It was broken by Aditi when Anand cast an askance towards her : "May be we can all share what is happening in our lives because we rarely do it these days. We hardly talk. What happened to your MS applications Rya?".

"Ohh..yes...I got my admission from a couple of Universities but I don't think I will go for it. I am happy with my job offer here and moreover who will tease Ryan if I go" - said Rya with a mischievous smile. 

Ryan smiled and said " I can hear hundreds of people heaving a sigh of relief in those Universities". Rya started beating Ryan and realized that Ryan had laughed after many months. She smiled back to herself.

At this juncture, Aditi startled everyone with "Okay Guys! I need to tell something to you all.I am getting married next month." She looked at Anand with the solemn eyes ever.Anand was completely flummoxed and so were Rya and Ryan. 

Rya asked "Whom? When did all these things happen? What is his name? Why didn't you tell us?"


Aditi continued "His name is Vishal and he is a family friend. He is settled in UK with his family. I wanted to tell you people about it but I was waiting for the right time...perhaps when all of us were placed."

Rya was startled since Aditi ,being her roomie had never shared this with her. Ryan and she congratulated Aditi and asked about her job at Feloitte of which Aditi told them of her decision of not taking up the job. 

"I want a break" - muttered Aditi and cast a glance at Anand which was enough to break him down for the rest of his life.  

Rya did not know what to tell of this and she tried diverting the topic.Aditi's marriage was much of a shock than surprise for the rest of them. Somehow everyone still had the feeling that someday they would get back together.Unlike times of the past,silence was predominant in this rendezvous .Finally everyone decided to call it a day and wished each other luck for their future. They decided to meet on the final day on campus before leaving for their homes. 

Suddenly Ryan said " Wait! I think I should tell you people something."  and he started smiling.

Rya looked up at him and was at a loss wondering what it could be. Aditi and Anand stared at Ryan.

He continued " Perhaps you people must have noticed an awkward silence in me for the past few months. Actually I was going through one of the darkest phases of my life and I am thankful to all of you and especially Rya for being such a good friend to me all the time .Rya I mean it......"

Ryan hugged Rya and continued : "I am deeply in love with someone.She is a very nice friend of mine from a pretty long time."

Everyone looked at each other and Rya had the most inscrutable expression on her face.

Ryan continued " I had proposed to her but she did not feel for me the same way. I continued to pursue her for a long time but in vain. I had finally given up on her but as my luck would have it - she called me up yesterday and Guys! She told me a YES!!!". 

Ryan was exuberant and Anand hugged him. Aditi looked at Rya and held her shivering hands firmly. Ryan looked at Rya and asked " Won't you congratulate me? See... now you won't have to introduce me to your good looking  friends either ".

Rya looked at Ryan discerningly and said "Congratulations! I am happy for you!" and she left.

Last day on Campus

Aditi, Anand and Ryan were at the coffee house waiting for Rya. 2 hours passed but she was nowhere in sight. Finally Aditi called her up but Rya did not pick up. Suddenly Aditi got a message on her phone from reading :

 " I am sorry guys! My flight is in the next 30 minutes. I had to leave immediately because of some urgent work. And yes...I forgot to tell you people that I have decided to leave for my MS this Fall. I will miss you a lottt and  I will miss the times which I have spent here in the past 4 years.Good Bye!"

( To be continued...)

Thoughts of the Past - III

For Rya,being home was just another semester which was pretty tough compared to the other two. She had never missed her parents when she left home for hostel.Spending time with each other was an obligation both for her and for her parents. With time, she had become a liability for both - Mr. and Mrs. Mahen. 

Rya's parents had a love marriage way back in the 80's. They had a smooth sail on the waters of love. Being from the same caste, they never had to face the hassles of an Indian marriage. Rya's mother, Mrs. Archana Mahen was considered to be the most beautiful girl during her college days.Vijay ,Rya's father, had fallen in love with Archana at first sight. He barely knew her when he decided to spend the rest of his life with her. Vijay was a die hard romantic guy and was frivolous by nature.On the contrary,Archana was ambitious and she never ever appreciated the thought  of "living for someone else". She was independent in her thoughts but conventional in her acts. She hated the concept of "arranged marriage" and did not have the time to fall in love. But she knew she had to marry someday.She did not concede to Vijay's proposal till her parents forced her to start considering marriage.She liked Vijay as a friend though.Under these circumstances,Vijay's proposal offered her the safest route and she immediately agreed to get married. The initial years of their marriage proved to be the icing on the cake but when the cake itself was made up of the wrong ingredients, how long could it attract celebration? Caste seemed to be the only common thing between them apart from Rya. Their social status did not allow them the luxury to get a divorce and they had mastered the art of staying as separate entities under the same roof. For seventeen years, Rya had been a constant audience to the drama of which Mr. and Mrs. Mahen played their roles perfectly,being single.

While at home, Rya had ample of time to think over that note. At times, she felt Ryan was the one. After all, how much time does it take for someone to change the handwriting or to take help from someone else.But his indifference towards her forced her to think different. By the end of the vacation, Rya was still clueless about this silent admirer of her and she decided to talk to Ryan about this on reaching campus. Mr. and Mrs. Mahen accompanied Rya to see her off at the airport and as she looked back to bid adieu to her parents, she could see two souls standing ,perfectly in resonance with their imperfect lives.

3rd Semester

On reaching campus, Rya first met Anand who waved at her a casual "hi". He had definitely gone to greet Aditi after the holidays.

"How lucky is Aditi!"- thought Rya to herself.

And she kept walking towards hostel.

"Rya!"

Rya looked back and found Aditi gasping for her breath as she tried to lift the three luggages which definitely took a toll on her poor friend.

"Aditi!What are you doing here!"

"What do you mean by that, Rya!I am coming from home."

"But I saw Anand returning from our hostel now.I thought...he went to meet you."

"Anand?"

"Yes Aditi."

"Rya...he must have gone to meet someone else....Actually....Anand and I broke up last month."

"What!...But why?"

"Can we talk about this in room?"

"Okay"-muttered a bewildered Rya.

To Rya's amazement, Aditi was quite callous about the break up.Apparently, Anand and Aditi had realized that they never really felt for each other. It was just an infatuation and it was their mutual decision to call it quits. Rya did not know what to say to this.

 She just wished "If only my parents had also realized this!"

In the evening, Rya went out for her usual evening walk. This was the only part of the day which she really loved.She tended to be philosophical when alone and analysing life was an integral part of her solitude. But today,she thought about Aditi and Anand.The idea of being comfortable and indifferent towards the past kept haunting her. But perhaps that's the way life was! She had neither been in love nor been an authority on the subject but she knew that if ever she would, it would be really difficult on her part to just move on in life as if nothing ever happened.

On returning back to hostel,the watchman handed over another envelope to Rya. She took it from him and found it to be unsigned again. She grew impatient and hollered at the watchman:

"Who gave it to you?..What does he look like?" 

"She is a little girl." - replied the watchman.

Rya was undoubtedly amazed but not at the mention of the little girl but for the way her silent admirer preferred to being incognito. She could not comprehend the reason behind this but she was definitely looking forward to hearing from him.She rushed to her room and opened the envelope.She found a tiny note along with a Chrysanthemum flower. The note read:

"The moment I saw you today, I realized how badly I had been missing you. All the best for your term ahead!"

Rya folded the note and kept it in her diary along with the previous one.She tried not to think about it but she could only think of one person who could have written it ----It had to be Anand!

Over the next three months in the term, Rya did not receive any other note. Anand spoke casually to Rya whenever they met in the campus and Rya found nothing odd in Anand's behaviour. Aditi had again become the cynosure of the batch. Ryan was totally unassuming for the whole term and he continued avoiding Rya. There were many occasions when Rya tried to talk to him but he always made it a point to find the escape. 

One evening while Rya was taking her evening stroll in the park, she chanced upon Ryan. He was sitting alone.

"Hi"- greeted Rya.

"Oh hi!"

"What are you doing here?"

"Definitely not stalking you", smiled Ryan.

Rya reciprocated back with a pleasant smile across her face.

"See Ryan. I am extremely sorry for whatever happened between us on the Fresher's night.It was really mean on my part to talk to you like that and..."

"You do not have to apologize Rya. It was better that way."

"What do you mean?"

"Everything happens for a reason and that reason is always awesome!"

"But Ryan, we could never be friends because of that.What was so awesome about it?"

"The fact that today you are talking to me!"

Rya did not expect this as an answer but she was totally floored by Ryan this time.She just smiled and told "Ryan,I would have talked to you any way had you not tried to avoid me so vehemently".

"How many guys in our batch have you talked to Rya?"

Rya was speechless and she knew she was in loss for an answer.

"Or am I special?", smiled Ryan.

"Alright I give in. But stop flirting with me Ryan",smiled Rya.

"Okay!Okay! I will not flirt with you but promise me that you will introduce me to all your good looking friends", laughed Ryan.

Rya laughed too and continued asking "But you did not answer me...what were you doing here?"

"Waiting for you", smiled Ryan mischievously and ran away.

Rya saw him walking down from a distance and knew that the seeds of a beautiful relationship were sown.

For the rest of the term Rya and Ryan spent a lot of time with each other and Aditi was their third accomplice in every crime. Rya loved her life. She shared a lot in common with Ryan and she had begun confiding in him. A day without Ryan seemed so dull and boring to her. She kept thinking of him everywhere and every time. The days seemed to fly. She had never been so happy before and before she could realize,the term came to an end. 

It was the Christmas holidays and everyone was happy to leave for home except for Rya. She knew she was heading to a sophisticated prison and most importantly she would miss Ryan. She had packed her bags and was waiting to meet Ryan when the watchman handed over another envelope to her.

This time, she did not want to read it.She threw it away and asked the watchman to get a cab. She was getting late for her flight and Ryan was nowhere to see.

The cab arrived but Ryan still did not come.

"Idiot",muttered Rya and left for her holidays.

A few minutes later

Ryan picked up the envelope and smiled to himself as he read the note "This was the best term for me!"

(To be continued...)

Thoughts of the Past - II

Six months later

It was the month of February and the air was redolent of romanticism. Everyone on campus was cheerful and proposals dictated the season. At times, when there was a love triangle or a quadrangle involved, cheerfulness gave way to gloom and for guys - this occasion became the perfect excuse to take to drinking. For girls, the lachrymatory glands lend their help. But there was some understanding on the campus regarding this angle. There were a very few such incidents and most of them had their grades intact in this subject.

Aditi did not have to wait till February to fall in love. Anand was in his sophomore year and being the charming guy which he was, it was not difficult on his part to win over Aditi. Anand came from modest background and was the perfect guy of his batch.He was the University topper in his first year and never took any interest in any other girl till he met Aditi.His unassuming self was his forte and everyone knew that he would make it big someday. Aditi was another add-on to his list of the right things in life.

Rya approved of Aditi's decision on the fresher's night itself and was pretty close to the couple. She held Anand as the benchmark for judging any guy. She never had an interest in guys whatsoever. She fancied fictional characters instead.However, she never failed to notice Ryan whenever they crossed roads on campus. Ryan was always to be found in the basketball arena. He had a passion for it and he was the best player in the college team.Ryan had no love for acads though. He had managed to pass the first term with a 7+ GPA and to Rya's consternation, Ryan hardly spoke to any other girl on campus.

Ryan was Rya's lab partner for the second semester. Surprisingly enough, he never spoke to Rya unless necessary and the incident at the fresher's party was never raised by either of them. Rya did not know what to feel for him. She hated Ryan six months earlier and today, she was actually indifferent to him. She knew that she could not ignore him because somewhere in her subconscious, Ryan had taken a seat. It was difficult on her part to know what he thought about her and that kept her guessing. To be precise, she failed to understand him.

One fine evening when Rya and Aditi were taking a stroll outside their hostel, Rya brought up the topic of Ryan.

"Aditi, what do you think of Ryan?"

"Ryan?..ohh the Michael Jordan of our batch" - smiled Aditi.

"Whatever..what do you think of him?"

"Hmm..I have never thought of him Rya.Why..what happened? Is someone having purple thoughts?" - asked Aditi with a mischievous smile.

"Aditi..you know me. I would never fall in love..and at least not for someone like Ryan.Its just that he is so so inscrutable."

"If you are so sure of not falling in for him, why are you even trying to understand him Rya. There are so many people whom we come across daily but if we try to understand each and everyone, we will fail to understand the right persons in our life."

"But Aditi,.."

"Rya dear - forget it. Let's have some ice cream."

That night, when Rya went to sleep; she felt Aditi was right. She should forget Ryan and concentrate on her studies instead.

For the rest of the semester, Rya tried not to think much of Ryan but with every passing day, she grew restless about the way Ryan behaved. He was weirdly calm with her and tried all possible means of avoiding her.

Things did not change much for her until the last day of the semester. All theory papers were over and only the lab viva was pending. The atmosphere was filled with fun and laughter as everyone packed their bags for the summers. Rya was done with her viva and on returning to the hostel, she was handed over an envelope by the watchman. She hurried back to her room and on opening it; found a beautiful Chrysanthemum and a note inside it. It was addressed to Rya but unsigned.

"The first time I saw you, I knew it was either you or no one else. But your quiet demeanour never gave me the opportunity to express what I ever felt for you. I tried every possible way to let you know about my feelings but I could not. To me; your ignorance was better than your denial. I still don't want you to know who I am coz I fear you would run away from me. I do not know what it is that holds you back from the feeling of love but I know that I cannot hold back myself from you. I will miss you."

Rya was dumbfounded after reading this and she knew not what to do. The words had a mesmerizing effect on her and for the first time, her convictions started failing her. She never wanted to but she knew she had - finally fallen in for him.

She thought to herself "And all this time while he was thinking of me and trying to  talk to me, I was trying to forget him. How foolish of me! I should have known.I do not know if I like him or not but he does love me.I have finally understood him."

She was elated for reasons unknown to her and she just smiled to herself.

Her bags were packed and she was about to leave the hostel when she realized that she had left her purse in her college bag.She went back to fetch it and while taking it out, a notebook dropped from her bag. She picked it up. It was Ryan's lab notebook and had somehow been exchanged with that of hers. She opened it and was befuddled after going through it for quite some time.

The handwriting in the notebook was not the same with that of the one in the note which she had read a few minutes before. 

Suddenly, the words seemed hollow to her and she did not know what to think - either of the note or of anything else.

Ryan was playing in the basket ball arena when Rya left the campus for her home. But this time it was Ryan who saw her with an askance.

(To be continued...)