Thoughts of the Past - XVI

There were a thousand emotions running across her mind. It seemed history. He seemed to be a figment of her imagination now. Everything flashed across her eyes - the fresher's party, the college days, summer breaks, placements,Aditi's wedding etc etc. There were a thousand things which went unsaid between them. But whose fault was it? Did she want to blame him then or even now? They took a lot of decisions. Who knew what was right, what was wrong. They were just taken and it had brought them here today, at the cusp of taking yet another decision. She didn't want to meet him. For her, it was a chapter closed. Done and dusted. What did life or he wanted from her now?

He lied still, few metres away from her, being attended by a nurse. He looked pale. Age had taken a heavy toll on him. He kept staring at the ceiling. She wasn't sure what she would speak to him. With every step of hers getting her closer to him, she felt an unusual rush through her. She felt different. There was happiness, there was nervousness. But most of all the eagerness to have this moment with him. Finally she was near him, standing right beside him. She didn't remember when was the last time she had been this close to him. She felt weirdly complete as she touched his hand and held it tight. He was still looking at the ceiling. Her touch startled him. He looked at her. They smiled and kept looking at each other, without saying anything. They held each other's hands tightly.

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"Sister, can you give us some time with each other? I will ask for you when needed." - said Rya

"Sure. But make sure he doesn't exert himself much"- said the nurse and left the room.

Rya closed the door and looked back at Ryan. It was their moment. There was nothing between them. She went and sat near him, held his hands and looked deep into his eyes. She could feel the same warmth of love which she had for him. She laughed. She laughed hard. Ryan was surprised.

"It could have been a hell lot of things between us except for this Ryan. Except for this what we are or where we are today. You and I could have been together, but not this way. You and I loved. We still do. I compromised. You suffered. I was stubborn. You were stupid. I was practical. You were emotional. And look where we ended up!! We screwed up when two lives were at stake and now you expect us to fix it when four lives are involved.!!"

"Rya, for once stop thinking about others. It is about what we want. Do you love me?" - cried Ryan.

"Yes I do. I always did and will continue loving you. But it isn't about it only. You didn't understand it then and you don't even now. We had our chances. We ruined it. We deserve to be where we are. Accept it. Do not tie it with your feelings."

"I do not get it. Honestly I don't. I don't even want to get it Rya. Just come with me. Let us put all of this behind and start afresh."

"You are the road I left behind, many many years ago Ryan. I have started on a different journey on a different path. It has its own ups and downs but now I am on it, with it. I cannot leave it behind me. I own my decision and you got to own yours."

"I don't own anything Rya. I am a loner. I am still where you left me behind. I am beckoning you to come back. To come back to where you belong."

"No. You do. You owe someone who gave her entire life to you, selflessly. Marriage ain't a joke. You made love a farce and now you're doing the same to marriage."

"She married me. I never loved her or will ever do. I have never loved anyone but for you Rya. Why don't you get it????"

"Any why don't you get it that I can't come back to you Ryan. What was ours is gone. Once upon a time I agree I loved, truly I did, But now I have matured."

"Why did you come back to see me then?"

"To find you a closure. I didn't want to meet you at every turn of my journey and then feel helpless of my past. I have good memories of it and I hold on to it with my dearest of feelings and emotions. I find solace in my memories and you are the best of it all. Love is irreplaceable Ryan. I have just sent it to the back of the recesses of my mind. Everytime I want it, I still feel it but unknown to everyone. I live in the hope of my lost love but am present in the love which found me. I have found my balance. You got to find yours."

"And are you happy?"

"Try it. There is nothing happier than having it both. Do not try to read too deep into all. It will take away the simplicity of it. And its tough to lead it simple, easy to complicate it."

Rya let go of his hand and stood up. Ryan sat still. She kissed him on his forehead and went ahead to open the door.

"Rya!!"

"Yes Ryan?"

"Do you think we can be together in our next life time?" - smiled Ryan.

"We are together even in this. The beauty is nobody knows it but for our hearts". 

Ryan smiled.

She opened the door to find Meeta standing outside. Giving her a hug, she wished her good luck and walked ahead.

She looked back one last time and found Ryan and Meeta hugging each other.There were tears in her eyes as she put her sunglasses on but simultaneously she had a wide smile on her lips.

(The End)