The Untold

For all those times when I have been mad at you for no reason,angry on you for silly matters and having hated you for the uncountable misunderstandings ; I dedicate this to you.Neither I offer any explanation nor am I flaunting my love.Its just that certain things in life are better expressed this way.Perhaps the untold and the unheard phrases of life are beautiful because they are expressed different.And this is when people say "You are in love".

I never understood the why's and how's of your patience when it came to me.Every time we had a fight, it was you who always came back to me with a smile .It was always you who had a solution to the incompatibilities we had.It was again you who always had this amazing trust on me.You were the one I could always look up to and with you I could think loud.At times I wondered, why could I never be you?I do not know what I would have done had it not been YOU.

Thank you for being there and most importantly for being with me when am at my worst.Thank you for accepting me the way I am.Thank you for being what you are.Thank you for everything dear.It would take me a life time if I try to thank you for all that you have done to me but they say "You never have to say a sorry or thank you when you are in love" and I feel the same for you.I want to live my life with you the way we do.

An Identity

Its a sunday afternoon and I am perfectly idle.Before I could get into any devilish thought,I thought it better to pen down something.It depends on you how substantial it is.This blog is about me.

It has taken me years to know myself and I still am amazed when I find new shades to my personality.I am a soul who would refute the typical definition of a "girl" yet I am feminine.I am stubborn,headstrong yet emotional,love to live in my quixotic world yet pragmatic,dead ambitious but compromising and definitely the right person at the right place for the right things.I know my limits and whenever I feel my stray mind demands to cross this barrier,I don't let go of it.I have my own idiosyncrasies,my own ethics, my own principles but I bend them whenever I feel like satisfying my self-serving bias.I am a perfectly ordinary girl who dreams of achieving the extra ordinary.I am a person who has strong definitions of her likings and prejudices.I am not ideal and I err.Sometimes the sense of guilt which creeps into me is too strong.I strive to reach out to the excellence deep within me.I feel everything's relative in this life and so I have no absolute feelings.I have my own weaknesses and gladly enough I know them.I am an individual who loves her self-esteem and dignity more than anything else.I can fight against any odds for it.I dread to face my subconscious coz I know I have something over there which I would never like to face.I am not a maverick neither am a heterodox.I am a simple girl with the most complex psyche.

I am the person who would ideally love Howard Roark and I prefer solitude.I love everyone who is a part of my life and I am happy we ever met. I always try to find out the right reasons for anything that I do.I am absolutely content for everything I own and possess.I paint my illusions with the colors of my dreams.I have suffered a lot for not making it out to the top of what I ever desired of but now that everything seems to fall in place,I have come to know that I should always wait for the right time to come through.I know I just have to hold onto to make my dreams come true.I am the one who has realised that we will never get everything and anything that we crave for .Coz at the end of the day whatever happens, happens for a reason and that reason is always awesome.

I am an imperfect individual who tries to match the most of perfection.I know what I am and perhaps thats what drives me to the dead end of everything.Till I meet my subconscious, I know I will dread nothing.I am a part of the quarter life crisis now but I know I will come out of it too.I love my life and I live it.Perhaps thats what keeps me going on and on.You can call me a narcissist for this but I absolutely love myself.

Eluding Illusions

Human psyche is definitively recondite and beyond the obvious.It is the most nomadic aspect of one's self.The desires are never within the defined limits and the illusions linked with them keeps eluding.But this essence of life is what ...gets us going.

More than often, people are befuddled with respect to their career decisions.MS or an MBA,SAP or JAVA,Science or Humanities,St Stephens or Xavier's - well these questions will never end but what finally ends is the quest.The end result is -somewhere a born painter finds himself/herself in the cubicles of the IT industry where as somewhere else another burgeoning entrepreneur finds his/her niche in music.In matters of love, mind plays even worse.People tend to fall in love twice, thrice or may be multiple times even.No wonder, we have extra marital affairs and divorces.Well, I don't blame the individuals for this either.The plebeian won't fathom the depth of it.Because emotions have no fetters.

The vast sea of confusions is rooted deep within.The insatiable soul of humans always crave for more.The consecration of life doesn't come under the laws of human attraction.The illusions of having the best of times when dreams turn into realities is what drives the excellence from inside.Its far from truth though.Human aspirations never get buried.They reincarnate every moment when an illusion of yesterday converts into a fact of today.And till they don't materialize,they elude us.

Life essentially is an illusion.There are myriad aspects to it.The illusions have their own colors.They let u have wings and fly, even if its for a fleeting moment.And when the passion for these illusions gets strong,reality is driven.Now,one more illusion is born.Well thats how life is to be lived amidst wishful illusions beckoning a meaningful life.

After all, there's nothing absolute- everything is relative.You are free to live in your world of illusions.Thats where peace resides and so does human aspirations.Reality offers no solace.

Classroom to Conference Room

Huh...Finally I am back to my blogspace.Its been a really really long time.Life's been pretty decent all along this time though.But there has been a big difference in the mentality definitely.

I am now a one year old in the professional arena. A place where smartness blended with the right mix of intelligence survives.I still remember the day I joined TCS.With lofty aspirations, I set sail to embark on this ship of professionalism.The desire to earn was momentous.ILP - the training program in TCS was an extension of the 8 semesters in engineering .But reality is where I am today.

Bangalore is the place where my Software career kicked off.Got into a decent project within one month of being an elite member of the famous "bench".I was shortlisted among the best 5 from an interview of about 30 candidates. Well, that was an achievement in itself.In the rat race of getting "billed "when majority of the chunk were getting layed off ,it was definitely a feat.We were in the midst of recession which had gripped the world economy badly.Post Lehman collapse, IT industry was in doldrums and to my luck, I was in BFSI sector.However, somehow I managed to have my own workspace - my first "cubicle".

The world all of a sudden seemed harsh.The transition seemed hard to fathom.The "first name" culture dint go down well with me.The letters of "production","development" ,"SIT","UAT" etc. seemed to dance.The culture over here was too disciplined or may be I was accustomed to a different ambience.Colleagues seemed to be aliens.No one was keen to help out the freshers.We didn't have any say in the account.We were not even considered an entity.For a person like me who held too much importance to her dignity, this was sheer insult to her education and her identity.And to my dismay, the 8 hours of attendance was extended to include one hour more.Work seemed me to be the refuge of people who didn't have better things to do in life.I felt I was in Shawshank.

But I knew I had to work someday - if not here, somewhere else might be.

Gradually I started learning to work and more importantly working smart.In the meanwhile, I befriended some awesome people.I started adopting the culture of taking breaks - those most awaited "coffee breaks".I started knowing the difference between theoretical concepts and practical implementations.Being in a Consultancy, I knew how to talk business and how to get business done.Work started getting better.Colleagues seemed approachable and friendly.5 days at work were no more a torture.I got moulded into their definition of a technical analyst or a developer or a software consultant but for me I started loving where I was and where I still am.

In this entire odyssey from classes to conference rooms, I have many souls to remember and express my gratitude as well. But the one person whom I revere and will always held responsible for my positive attitude towards work would be my Project Manager.He is simply an awesome guy.He definitely does not qualify for the plebeian definition of "manager". I admire him.Apart from him,my friends were definitely a reason for my 9 hours of dedicated attendance.I have had crushes over here (as always) despite being "committed".I had awesome trips.I had marvellous outings with my friends.I enjoyed being a part of all that I had been. I have definitely loved being in this account.

Work is not always that bad.It depends on us how we try to define it.In this one year of being a part of the daily hustle bustle in bus,access cards,security checks etc. I have learned that working smart is the only answer to this professional world.The professional attitude is going to take us to where we would always like to be.But definitely not always.You can always find some people out of the common crowd whom you can trust at the end of the day.

Working is awesome when you have the right reasons to do so and the right people to work with and I am happy to be where I work today.I dont know where I would be tomorrow but I definitely know what it means to be "employed".