Afterglow

Thought life was about walking her dreams
Decided to travel and take the lead
Met her favourite people on way
But she left them behind instead

There was music in the air
There was beauty everywhere
But she set for the loneliness ahead
In search of success and her rightful share

The journey was long
But companions very few
Up at the top
It wasn't the utopia
She had in view

There were trees without leaves
Meadows without flowers
Seemed to be the land for the old
With no liveliness anywhere

A hand touched her from behind
Asking 'Young Lady, why are you here?"
She looked ahead, she looked behind
'Success' - she knew was the answer

But was she happy? Was she sad?
Was the destination worth her pain?
What seemed like a dream was finally an illusion
Of success and ambition in vain

The journey she traversed so fast
Had an equal amount of happiness and sorrow
But living it in its rightful time and measure
Was the right way to upgrow

Success is not the end, happiness is
So walk together and run slow
Love, Laugh and Live
Because life also has an afterglow!

Roobaroo with you

A year has passed since I wrote my last blogpost. Not that I was unaware of it, but I wasn't trying enough to do anything about it either. Quite a number of times, a few of my friends have even coerced me to write. But I was simply lazy and very conveniently I put the blame on life being busy. So here I am, finally, after a brief (lol) hiatus with updates of my life and a promise to write a blogpost soon.

For those of you who do not know and for those of you who know (let me say again), I got married last December. Life's been different since then, if not by pounds, but by ounces. We started our married life with 4 trolleys. It took a while to finally settle down, but thanks to the financing schemes available, we could finally have a decent home after months of planning and shopping. A harsh winter and the fact that we were both in the first year of our jobs made it tough for us. But now when we look back, we feel there is nothing better than setting up your own home. The sense of accomplishment is tough to be expressed.

Many friends and colleagues have always asked me about how different married life is. Rather, if I have to reframe the question, it is about the significance of marriage, its justification (sometimes) and its sustainability (most of the times). To be frank, I am not the right person to answer it. Probably we should ask our parents about the way they did it. But then most of us feel that there is huge generation gap which explains the patience and trust in their marriages. Well, if you still ask me, my answer is - So far its been good, Really really good. I would lie if I say that nothing changes. Things do change. Life changes too, but for good. There is a different happiness when you share your life with someone. Dating is significantly different from being married. The fact that somebody is waiting for you at home wipes away all the stress at workplace or anywhere else.Loneliness, however fancy or philosophical it may look like, is welcome only for guest appearances. Permanence of any nature kills you. Family, friends and relatives - everyone is important but when you think of the single most person who is going to be affected the most when you die, you realize how important your life partner is. People get cold feet of the compromises marriage brings forth. But its a compromise as long as you think it to be. If you are logical, you will understand that two people brought up in two different surroundings can only gel when there is a third different surrounding. And that third different surrounding happens when you take one step ahead and he/she takes the another.This makes the journey worthwhile. Marriage is good as long as you want and think it to be. Its not just about love, but also about trust and respect. If you are not proud of your spouse, you are not happy about your marriage. So don't get married because you have to, but because you want to and make it happen with the person you can commit to.

Well, that was a long lecture on marriage. Not my fault. You guys asked me so many times. So I had to pen it down. Now coming back to my life, I have bounced back from the initial hiccups of settling down. Job has been good but definitely not brilliant. I wonder how many of us would agree to the latter. Every other person I meet is either shifting his/her job or dissatisfied about his/hers. So I have left wondering about it unless I am frustrated enough to work on my CV over a weekend. I have not been keeping well for the entire summer too. But now I am better and hopeful of the approaching winter. Taken to my old fond habit of reading books and blogs. Travel plans are on the cards. And most importantly, resumed writing and I promise you I shall be back with a post soon. Till then, have a great weekend ahead! And nice talking to you after a long time :) 

Essential Living

Someday you will understand my denial
Someday you will realize the abyss of my silence
Someday you will be at ease with my whims
Someday you might just feel my absence

Someday you will miss the togetherness
Someday you will long for my emotion
Someday you will pine for true love
Someday you might just be an option

You never travelled the path of my pain
You could not choose yours on your own
I wrote my fate, painted my future
Bearing the fruits of the seeds I had sown

Reasons never matter, times do
Life, people say is never without ado
I laugh at my innocence, risen much above
Learnt for sure, life's not just about hurt or love!

Amitie

4:15 am. Mumbai. 16th March '13.

I always make it a point to make memories - good ones, when I am about to leave a place. Mumbai being my favourite, 15th had to be special and it was. I had spent it with people who had made Mumbai worthwhile for me. But that moment when I left my room, my hostel and finally my campus - I was speechless. The journey right from the steps of my hostel till my flight took off had flashes of everything - right from day one at SP till then and with no one else but with the person who was accompanying me to see off. As we sat there in the taxi, neither of us dared to break the vow of silence between us. On any normal day, we had so much to talk about, fight upon or share with. But these 20 - 25 minutes was different. There was no need to say anything. Everything stood understood. I have always found it extremely difficult to bid bye but this time, it was tough to escape it with him being adamant enough to see me off.  He was the one person who had been with me during the best of my times, worst of it and of course all the times in between in the past two years. He knew the part of me which I myself knew not of. He had made me realize that it was okay to be imperfect. He was the guy I could rely on - any time, anywhere and on anything. He came with a lot of imperfections but probably that's why we were so good together because I was the same too. I have always believed that four to five people make a real difference to your lives in a single life span in the relationship called friendship. I wasn't sure if I have had my plate full as yet but he definitely had made it to the list.

Memories are strange. No matter the form they are, they make you cry. But we seemed to have a pact against it that day. We had reached the airport by then. Time seemed to fly but there was no point in expecting it to delay either. Our college lives had come to an end and we had to accept it. But it was painful. I accept it.I have had so many memories etched with this place and the people in it that it was tough for me to let it go. I hugged him for the first time on the last day of our journey together. And then I went ahead without looking back. I was too weak to see his face. I checked in and moved towards security. I got a call from him. He was in tears. And he was talking. I had nothing to say but for the tears. He talked incessantly of the times we spent together, the friendship we lived and the phase of our life which we would never get back. He talked about everything which I already knew but never felt the necessity to let him know. I was listening to him and I felt he should keep talking because I didn't have the strength to do so. It was the toughest stretch of walk that I had ever walked. But I didn't want to hang up. I wanted to listen to him.

Unfortunately the pilot was in no mood to entertain our sentiment. We were ready for take off and I finally had to intervene in the monologue saying that I was leaving. As I hung up the phone, I burst into tears with no regards for what the people around me thought of.The farther I went from him, that city and all the people in it - the closer I was getting to its memories. It wasn't easy but I let myself open to all the hurt and pain because sometimes it feels right to suffer for the right reasons. And there can never be any reason as worthy as that of friendship, especially the ones we live for!

Carpe Diem!

Sealed Lips

I used to believe that words have the greatest power but with time I have come to realize that silence has its own way of being understood too. There is a disclaimer attached to it though - either the person you are speaking to doesn't matter at all or matters to you the most.

Personally, I have preferred to stay silent in some important conversations of my life. While I have always contemplated if I should have voiced my opinion then, the conviction that its outcome was supposedly better than what could have happened has always stopped me from speaking. 

Silence lets us handle the uncertainties in our lives. It lets the other person commit mistakes and understand the situation better. It lets circumstances speak for themselves. It has its own beauty of showing our disagreement too. But most importantly it also stands for acquiescence. Every single permutation and combination of it simply depends on the person it is targeted at. Either he understands it or doesn't but the purpose is not always served.

The probability of being misunderstood is the greatest liability of staying silent. 

But we still practice it. 

The fact that we have multiple choices in our lives and we are so unsure of choosing the supposedly right alternative that we resort to the one having multiple interpretations is the only logical explanation for our sealed lips.

Pixelated Life!

For some unknown reasons, I was in an euphoric mood today evening which got me to tune into some of the finest songs on my playlist and think about me! Well, I used to do it pretty religiously earlier until this madness called MBA happened to me. But its over and I am glad it is. Though it doesn't go onto say that I did not love the past two years but I missed a part of me which I am actually fond of.

I was trying to remotely understand myself this evening. Not that I was successful at it but yeah I could figure out a few things for myself. I realized that despite trying to be the Miranda of 'The Tempest' fame, I had failed at it miserably. I was far more flawed than I thought myself to be. Most of the times, I had settled down for something else than what I wanted. I am far far away from the things I had once listed as priorities in my notebook. Yes, I did have a notebook in which I had my entire life planned out leaving nothing to fate. Such was my arrogance! But today when I look back, I don't exactly regret too much. Rather I feel its a syndrome which most of us have and which I believe is the single most reason behind feeling depressed. I don't want to continue with it.

We tend to hype our lives for no apparent reason. We try to either live someone else's dreams or ours. It doesn't matter which is better. Either case, the probability of it failing makes us feel miserable. The fundamental flaw in balancing our needs and wants or duties and dreams lead to us to delusion. In my reckoning, you can view life from three aspects - over analyze it, analyze it or just explore it. This in turn stands true for our past, present or future respectively. I am not the right one to comment which view is better but I believe while we are busy doing this, our life's happening to us. 

I tried playing safe with my life for a long time because I wanted to satisfy my self-conceit. But it wasn't worth it. I did not end up where I wanted to. But in the past few years I have done a few things which even though I would never like to share with my kids, I still am glad I did it. Not because I am particularly proud of everything but because I know the feeling of being up there and knowing for myself the different shades of me. I do not hold onto a lot of things and I have been gifted with the trait of never looking back if I decide it to be but these experiments have actually gone a long way to refine me and my sensibility.

I still have a little bit of my life planned out yet again but this time I am open to the fact that I might lose again. But I am up for it. I want to experience the side that I deserve and don't just desire. Isn't this the difference between people who supposedly succeed in their lives and people who don't? I know that despite everything, hell won't break loose and I will still move on in my life. Don't judge me low on my confidence for this. But I want to stop having an idiosyncratic life and enjoy living an unpredictable one. I wish to harbour a sentiment that can accept my failures, my mistakes, my success, my experiments and my actions alike and lead me to an end of this single lifetime in the most ceremonious way ever. And I expect myself to stop kicking the football with the goal post in mind every single time.

Stones and Gravel

I looked at the newspaper as if I was seeing myself in it. Its true that I always dreamt of being there but unfortunately it wasn't me today. It was my shadow there. Someone who knew me more than myself. Someone who didn't need to be familiar or an effort to be recognized even after a thousand years of loneliness. 

"Isn't he from your batch? Did you guys know each other?" - asked Rishi.

I fumbled while answering but managed with a " Yeah. He used to be with us but apart from a few hi-byes, we hardly talked. He used to be the loner kinds..you know..."

"Hmm. I have been following his career for some time now and to tell you the truth, I am impressed with him.   Shikha, you should have also pursued your career. You would have done good to yourself. I have seen that potential in you."

I smiled and said " I am fine with where I am. You are there na."

Rishi smiled back and kissed me on my forehead saying " I still feel you were not meant for this. But I love you for what you are. And nothing else matters to me." He folded the newspaper and went to take his shower. I went ahead to get Adi and Jenny ready for school.

Rishi and I have been married for the past 15 years. Its been a successful marriage, if I might have to rate it. We get along well and apart from a few occasional misunderstandings, we were considered an ideal couple. I gave up my career after Jenny was born. Adi was 3 years then and I felt that my family needed me more than my job. I was not doing that great at it either. I was average and I had lost my interest in it too. Since then, my world had been Rishi, Adi and Jenny. I saw my happiness, success, failure and even my life in them. They loved me and this sufficed. There were times when I had felt extremely lonely and lost but I always knew that this was the life I had chosen for myself, out of my volition. I had forgotten who I used to be, my past and my own dreams in this quest for a happy present. And probably I never wanted to look back.

But today, I was compelled to walk down the aisle of my past. After Rishi and the kids left, I rushed back to look at that face in the paper. I had longed for this moment since morning. I wanted my private moment with this face. I had been secretly following his career and life too. But this particular coverage in the newspaper was something different. It was not just his dream, but mine too, to see him there.

The last time I had seen Abhinn was one week prior to my marriage. I was leaving for my home the next day. He was ideally supposed to meet me at my marriage but that night he surprised me by showing himself suddenly. He was standing there at my door without any luggage. Obviously it was the impulsive part of him!! Two years had brought us so close that we knew we had our share of best friendship and desired for no more. Not just our waking hours but our lives were also in sync with each other. We were both ambitious, fun loving and lived our life to the maximum. With him by my side, I never really cared about what others thought about us and neither did he. After those two blissful years, we had to separate to pursue our careers in different cities. But we were still in touch and nothing seemed to change. In fact the distance brought us more closer emotionally. I was doing good at my job but Abhinn wasn't satisfied with his. He wanted to do something bigger and better. We both motivated each other and despite a hard day at work, we always used to find solace when we talked to each other at the end of the day. Abhinn had a huge friend circle but he always managed to find time for me. We had never realized that it was more than friendship but we did manage to sign a bond agreeing that we would marry each other if we never got anyone as awesome as us in our lives. Marriage, traditions or the rest of the world didn't matter to us. We were so satisfied in our present that we never looked back or beyond.

After about two years of being in job, I was engaged to Rishi after a brief courtship period. Abhinn had helped me a lot in overcoming the entire episode of being cold feet about it. He had never met him though and for some reason, I never felt like talking about him to Rishi. I felt Abhinn was that part of my life which was only and only mine and I strived to guard it closely always. But my time was divided now. Initially Abhinn seemed to understand it but later, he seemed to get upset about it. He didn't say anything about it but I knew him. I just hoped time would better it and later he would also have someone in his life to share his life with. Things had begun to change between us. I was trying to follow the rules of being in a relationship with someone. Rishi was a great guy. He was understanding and loved me and most importantly he was the choice of my whole family. I tried to give the best of me to him and our relationship. The more I was getting closer to Rishi, the farther I was going from Abhinn. No matter how hard I tried in ignoring it, this fact was bothering me from inside. I missed my time with Abhinn. I missed my life with him and most importantly I missed him. Abhinn had got so busy in his life and career that I didn't bother him with the complexities of my mind then. It was almost 10 days that we hadn't talked to each other on phone except for a few occasional messages. I knew how serious he was about his career and so I accepted the hiatus. But that day his presence at my door steps was comforting and shocking at the same time. Even though I had wanted to see him so bad but somewhere deep down inside I knew why he was there. I ran and hugged him. He was busy but in figuring out his life and its direction all this while.

While sipping our late night coffee at Costa, we looked at each other with a passionate intent. Both of us did not speak a single word. The earlier fun had given way to a maturity so strange and unfamiliar that we wanted it to stop then and there. I had never seen him this way. I was attracted to him like never before. Somehow I knew I was meeting him for the last time this way. Things were bound to change after this. I wanted time to move no further.We sat still.It was time for the cafe to be closed and we had to return back to my flat. On our way back, Abhinn was weirdly silent and I did not dare break it. It was too late at night for him to go anywhere and so I broke the silence by asking him to come inside. He agreed and came inside my room. I asked him if he wanted something. He denied. He kept looking at me and finally asked

                                           "Do you still think we are just friends?"

I had no answer to this. I obviously knew it but I was a coward to accept the truth. Abhinn would never be accepted in my family. He was born to a Christian father and Hindu mother. Even though I knew deep down inside that he was the best for me, I did not have the courage to leave everything behind and never look back. I knew I would be the happiest with him and anyone else would just be a replacement for him, but not him. But all's in the time and the guts to follow your heart.

          I had tears in my eyes when I replied " I can't do it even though I want to do it. I am sorry."

He smiled and took me in his arms. I hugged him like never before and we both kept holding onto each other  in a bid to refute the time which was ahead of us. Before long, I could feel his lips on mine and I kissed him back with a stronger passion. I wanted more of him and the more closer we got, we knew how perfect we were for each other. That night was the last time I lived the actual "me". As I lied next to him on bed, I could sense the depth of his love. I realized how madly we were in love and I didn't just want to let go of him. I wished I could be with him forever. I wished a lot of things but I knew that I didn't deserve any of it. 

I woke up alone. He was gone and gone with him was that part of me which once upon a time defined me. It was time for me to head home to embark on a life I was not so happy to embark upon. He left no tangible memory of him but for a small post-it with the words "A part of you will always be with me." I burst into tears when I realized how I had lost him forever. I cried out loud but there was no one by my side. I had never felt this lonely before. I tried reaching on his cell but he had made up his mind never ever to look back. He was gone and as I went ahead with the life I had chosen for myself, he went farther and farther. He never married but I always kept wondering the other side of the coin which never won in the toss. Somehow I felt both of our lives were in similar boats but with different sailors. He chose to steer his and I outsourced mine.

My thoughts were disturbed by the ringer of my cell. It was Rishi. I answered.

" Sweetheart, whats up? Thinking of me? Missing me?"

After a brief pause, I answered "Yes. Of course."

So long...

It isn't always love at first sight. Sometimes when we meet someone for the first time, we never realize how important that person might become in our life later. Its just a probability and it is justified because we do meet a lot of people. But 'distance' does that magic to us - to cognize if that person actually made a difference to our life? My story is no different. With every single day of our being not together, I understood how much we were meant for each other. All that I am holding onto today is our memories - memory indeed is a funny thing. It gives you an irreplaceable sadistic pleasure.

When I first met him, I hated him. To be precise, I was indifferent to him. I was perfectly in love with someone else. I had my so called 'ideal' love story with my ex. I was in sync with my life. Family approved it and so did everyone else around us. I always wanted to play the role of being the 'ideal' everywhere and so it never bothered me to understand if I really wanted it. I just took whatever came my way and for this person - I had gone to my extreme ends to be together. He was the perfect gentleman. So this new change in my life- I don't think if I was really prepared for it. 

My indifference was grounded on a lot of reasons - he was messed up, suffocating and too plaintive. But what I hated about him was the extreme shades of his personality. At one instance, he would be so full of life, so ambitious and so gorgeous while there were times when I would see this 'troubled' part of him - selfish, lonely, hypocritic and of course too dark. I never bothered to understand him in the initial few days of our meet. For me it was just a matter of time and this too would pass. I always waited to go back to my ex. But this guy had a huge ego. He was loved by way too many people to let go of this pride of his.He wanted me too. He knew I was a tough one at that probably. But he still did try in his own unique way by letting time and natural instinct decide.

He scored his maiden with my first monsoon experience at Marine Drive. It was one of those evenings when I just wanted to be by myself and my thoughts. Even though I was with a lot of people that evening, I did manage to find my own little fairy of solitude. He was with us too. He managed to evince that cheer from all of them but with me, I was sceptical. I probably didn't want him to influence me with his charm. But I lost it to him that day - partially. He gave me a hug I will never ever forget, without saying anything. His touch and his feel was enough for me to break the facade of 'unwillingness' towards him. I befriended him that night on our way back as we sped past in my first ever local train trip. With time, I got to know him better and his multifaceted personality which once upon a time I detested had begun to attract me. His pace was fast and he never slowed him. He taught me how to fight back failure straight at its face. At times I thought he was too caught up with the rat race but I was wrong. He had this unusual degree of access built around him. It depended if he wanted to be caught up or just put a brake right there. He just knew it right - all the time. I was in awe of his fierce independence and stormy freedom.

With him, I explored this other side of me which even though I was aware of, did not want it to be known. I started living life for myself, did things I thought was impossible earlier and most of all I was fearless of what others thought about me because he had instilled in me just this one thought - you don't deserve to be judged by those who care for you and for the rest, it doesn't ever matter. His tall lofty aims helped me see my own dream and pursue big. He was simple and yet so elegant in his own way. His rough nature didn't seem to bother me anymore. In fact I loved him for that because life wasn't always supposed to be so velvety all the time. There was a different sense of accomplishment with him. I felt so complete and so grown up with him. The maturity he evoked in me - I am in love with myself today for that.

It was pretty late when I realized how much he had grown up on me. I had broken up with my ex and very comfortably moved on. In fact when I last visited my past,  I was happy for the past memoirs but I didn't miss him as much. My present was way too better and I knew I would finally settle here. But this guy had an insatiable greed in him to make every single soul fall in love with him. There was one thing I had not realized till now about him though- he was just like the running water. He never settled down with anyone. He kept making a difference to every new girl/guy on his path and left them with no choice but admiring him and longing for him. For me, it was a life changing experience and I am not mad at him for what he did to me. Because I left him - out of compulsion. But I still am madly in love with him as much as I miss him because I know I have lived my life with him and will never find someone as awesome as him.

(For those of you who have been thinking who the guy is - he is none other than 'Mumbai' who I chose over my ex - 'Bangalore.' You ought to give it the time it deserves to make you fall in love truly madly and deeply with him.)

Winter Musings...

Day 1

Sometimes it takes years to decide what or who you really want and sometimes its just a few moments! But at the end, its always worth it coz you know you were meant for it. Such is life!

Day 2

Intentional silence has the deepest conversation buried within but only reason sees it through.

Think!

Most of our discussions are based on relationships, isn't it? It is the single most pampered entity among friends, especially close ones. It enjoys a lot of hype and even though I hate to say it, but it does affect me and it definitely rules my thoughts when I allow myself to be sad.

So, what exactly have I got to say today? Feelings? Commitment? Breakup? Togetherness? Not really. I think I should write about the root cause of all these - Expectations!Yes, I believe expectations are behind the success and failure of any relationship. Pardon me for my words. I know there never can be success or failure in a relationship but what I meant by it is the probability of two people ending up together as per their commitment at some point of time in their life.

I don't know what a guy expects. But I believe a girl looks for her best friend in her life partner.She wants someone who accepts her for what she is without any judgement. She wants someone who accepts her mistakes, her follies, her silliness, her stubbornness with a greater heart.Someone who can understand her silence, her loudness,her tears and her smiles with a difference. She doesn't seek a highly qualified person always nor does she want a rich beau to confide in. She seeks the shoulders of someone when she feels tired of switching among the myriad roles she has been playing or has to continue playing throughout her life. She admires the person who likes her without the heavy makeup. She respects the person who respects her thoughts, her ideals and her most importantly. She wants to spend the rest of her life with the person who can forgive her for what she did. She likes being led by him and being taken care of . She wants him to understand why she cannot see him with another girl. She wants him to know that even though she doesn't say it often but she envisions an entire life with him when she commits.

So the next time, you feel that you haven't understood your girl or would never understand, try to think over. You haven't tried enough.Because once you do, you cannot possibly ever get anyone who understands you better or a life partner like her.

The Dots

They do not connect any more. They hold no meaning now. Strange it is but time makes the unthinkable happen. You do not realize how you yourself become numb. There were times when feelings held a strong meaning but with time, they have become a weakness. It would be wrong to say it doesn't matter any more. Else I would not be writing this post right now when I have a thousand other things going on in my head. I don't know whose fault it is. But maturity brings in such a ego which is hard to surmount. At times I ponder who has changed. We or the times we live. 

Thoughts of the Past - XII

Rya got married to Rishabh. The newlywed couple had decided to spend one month in India before leaving for States where both of them had their jobs. Aditi and Anand were a part of the celebration. Aditi did not bring up Ryan's topic in front of Rya. They did not know if Ryan was invited to the marriage or even knew about it. Ryan was a frequent visitor to their house but they never discussed Rya. Occasionally when Ryan used to get drunk heavily, he cursed himself. He had not been involved with anyone since last winter. He had not been performing well at his job either. He had got two demotions in consecutive appraisals. He looked prematurely old. He had tried hard to forget Rya and had deleted every other memory of her which he had with him except for the one photo which featured both of them while at college. She looked immensely cute in that. In solitude, this lone photo was his best friend. Ryan would stare at it endlessly and then smile before putting it back in his wallet.

After marriage, Rya had very less time to spend with Aditi and Anand. She was busy with her new family and family members. She had met Aditi only at the wedding. She wanted to meet her before leaving India. Rishabh had a lot of work and so he was unable to accompany Rya to Aditi's place. Rya went alone. Aditi was happy to see her friend at her door. Rya looked beautiful. Her face had that enviable marital glow. Rya hugged her. She had two days with her to spend at Aditi’s. Rya always felt good with Aditi beside her.

“So you are never going to come back to India?” – asked Aditi.

“As of now, we do not have any such plans. May be in future, we will rethink.” – said Rya

.

“What about Uncle and Auntie? How are they doing?”

“They have become masters in that art Aditi. Nowadays I do not even think of it. If they are at peace with their lives, I do not have a problem with that. After all, we all have had compromised in our lives at some point of life or the other Aditi” – said Rya and stood up and went near the window. She stared at the sky.

“Are you not happy with your marriage Rya?”

“Were you not happy with Vishal?” – said Rya.

“It was different Rya. I had nothing in my hands. I was a puppet in the hands of fate. I always tried doing my duty – as someone’s daughter, as someone’s love, as someone’s wife, as someone’s widow and finally when I was tired of living for others, I lived for myself.”

“But what did you do to yourself? To Ryan? To Rishabh? “– continued Aditi.

“You had to take your own decision Rya and why do u term it a compromise now?”

Rya looked back at Aditi and smiled.

“You cannot afford to be morally wrong while taking a decision for three lives Aditi. I would have been glad had I had an ethically corrupt conscience. None of us were wrong in what we went through. If I look back at it now, the only two people who could have been wrong are definitely Ryan and me-for the time frames when we confessed our feelings for each other. But why would I punish Rishabh for this? I did not have the strength to do it Aditi. I can live an entire life without the person I still think of but I will not be able to survive a day without feeling guilty for the person who has loved me so sincerely.”

Aditi was silent. She knew even she would do it. She hugged Rya and cried.

“Rishabh is a nice guy Aditi. I do love him but I cannot escape Ryan’s memories and that is the reason why I do not want to come back to India right now. It has not been easy for me – ever” – said Rya and hugged Aditi tightly.

Rya spent her two days at Aditi’s nicely. The two friends did not discuss anything serious after that eventful conversation on the first day. Anand used to join them over lunches and dinners. Aditi surprised Rya with her plans of having a baby within a year. Rishabh had come to take Rya with him. They were flying back in a week’s time.

It was time to bid bye to her friends. Rya was doing her final packing before leaving Aditi’s. Anand had taken Rishabh with him to show the place around. Aditi was in the kitchen preparing tea. The door bell rang. Aditi asked Rya to open the door because she was busy. Rya opened the door. It was the milkman. She received the milk pack and was about to close the door when she noticed that familiar face at the gate. It took her a moment to realize that it was Ryan. He looked awful. He stared at her without his eyes blinking even for a second. He stood perplexed. Rya could not take her eyes off him either. A million of emotions surged past her mind. Neither of them walked towards each other or away from each other. It seemed they had a lot to say to each other but they did not speak to each other. The distance between them was so less yet they were so far. Ryan took out his phone and captured that final memory of Rya in his camera lens forever. He smiled at Rya and left. Rya stood still. She knew she was not going to see Ryan for an indefinite period of time. That chapter of her life had been closed.

(To be Continued...)  

Thoughts of the Past - XI

Rishabh and Rya had met at the University library.

It wasn't love at first sight for either of them. Rishabh was the kind of guy whom every girl/girl's parents would approve of. He was decent, intelligent, unassuming and perfectly successful in life. Though he had a huge friend circle, he never had any interest in any girl. He liked Rya's perspective on things. At the library, they both had met over the same book " We-The Living". But since there was only one copy left, both of them came to a mutual agreement. The person who could justify Kira's stand could take the novel with him/her. Intellectually, both of them were amazing analysts. After three long hours of vehement discussion, they could not come to a conclusion still. Finally, Rishabh offered Rya to have the novel. Rya took it, kept it back on the shelf and then smiled back at him while leaving the library. That night, she received a friendship request on Facebook. She accepted. Facebook chats gave away to exchanging of gmail ids and then to phone numbers. Relationship status changed from "Single" to "It's Complicated" and then to "In a Relationship". Their relationship assured them of sleepless nights but also of dreamy days. It was a decision taken by mature minds and they meant it letter by letter. This winter, they had come to India to give their relationship a new meaning. Rishabh's parents liked Rya instantly and Rishabh was a definite winner at Rya's home. The wedding was supposed to take place this winter itself but Rya wanted to finish her PhD before getting married. Rishabh respected her decision and everyone agreed to have it next year. 

Rya had decided to move on and never look back at Ryan or anything related to him after Rishabh happened to her. She was pretty successful at that except for lonely nights when Ryan's memories haunted her.She did not know why it happened to her. She had all the reasons to love Rishabh and hate Ryan. But she had no control over her subconscious. Rishabh was the best thing that had happened to her. He loved her effortlessly and he was everything that Ryan wasn't to her. Two years helped her to forget Ryan consciously but this winter spoiled it all. She did not want that confession from him. She did not want him in her life.

After leaving India, she did not write to anyone in India for a long time. Rishabh did not understand the change in her either. She was indifferent to him at times and took refuge in the stress of the Phd course as her excuse. She did not say anything to anyone. Rishabh wasn't too naive for all this. He knew about Ryan. He waited for a considerable point of time for Rya to come back to her usual self. But sensing her emotional confused self, he asked her to reconsider their relationship. She did not tell anything to him. She just looked at him and saw the most calm expression on his face ever.

Aditi received a mail from Rya after about eleven months. She read it. She was silent. She forwarded it to Anand. She did not know if Ryan should know it from her or from Rya herself. She knew Rya was right this time but she did not want her to be right. Some relationships were bound to fail, and destiny ensured it. Having seen the worse part of it herself, she just shed a tear as she closed her Inbox. 

The subject of the first mail read "Our Wedding Invitation" and it was signed by Rya and Rishabh.

(To be Continued...)

Thoughts of the Past - X

15 minutes had past and not a single word had been spoken. For years, Ryan was not close to Rya either geographically or emotionally but all of a sudden, she seemed to be far far away from him. His right on her no longer seemed justified. He had never felt this hollowness before. In his run for friendship, he lost love. There were many things he wished to undo now but he just could not. With time, relationships change but he did not wish this to happen. The thought of seeing Rya with someone else tortured him. Rya was not any other girl. He had been in love with her for the past eight years. It was difficult to forget each and every memory of her. The pangs of loneliness killed him.

She did not anticipate this. She had taken a long time to move on and she was still not sure if she was completely over him. In front of her sat the guy whom she had loved profoundly,for years.He was her first love. Had this particular day happened a few years before, she would have been the happiest person but today, she did not know if it happened for good or bad.She wanted to hit him hard. She knew she belonged to someone else now. She was happy. She did not want all of this. To love someone and then be loved back was the best that could happen to anyone but when time frames are different, it is hell. She wished Ryan never told her.She loved someone else too.She hated Ryan for being a coward. She hated him for his mask of lies. She had many questions to ask Ryan but right now,only one seemed worthy. She liked the way Ryan kept looking at her when she did not look at him since college, but today, it seemed uncomfortable. She broke the silence finally.

"What took you so many years?"

"I don't know but does it really matter ?" - said Ryan.

" Yes it does. You have hurt me Ryan, not once but twice. I don't think you have the right to do this to me. It was not easy to forget you and now when I have, you don't let me to."

"You think its easy for me? Rya, I did not want to lose you as a friend. I was afraid. You have been the only one for me all these years. Had I known that there was someone else in your life, I would not have  come back to you.Forgive me for this but I have loved you too much to hurt you - even in my dreams."

"You are a coward Ryan and I am so glad I am not with you." - said Rya with disgust and stood up to leave.

" One final question Rya" - said Ryan and looked towards Rya expectantly.Rya looked back.

"Are you over me?May be we can work this out - together".

"I don't want to Ryan. Not because someone else loves me but because even I do."

Rya left.

Ryan was blank.The world didn't seem a friendly place.He wanted to run away from everyone. He had fallen in love with solitude instantly.He did not want to meet anyone. He missed Rya badly. He wanted to escape from everyone.He realized what he had lost only after he did.

***************************************************************************

Aditi and Anand's Marriage Ceremony

They tied the knot. Aditi and Anand were formally husband and wife. Legalizing a relationship had a beautiful meaning. They looked happy, after years. It was not just any happiness. There was a sense of accomplishment which nothing could replace.Rya and Ryan were also present but as two strangers who had never met before. Occasionally their eyes met but it was unnerving. Rya tried to avoid Ryan but he did not want to. He wanted to confront her and he knew not why. He still wanted to believe that she would come back to him. Illusions were projections of what we want to happen and Ryan wanted to drown himself in it.

The next day, Rya left for airport.Rya did not tell Aditi anything about Ryan. She did not want to spoil her best day.Aditi and Anand accompanied her to the airport.Aditi hugged her and wished her good luck.At the final call of departure, Rya looked towards Aditi and said "Take care of Ryan. He needs you and Anand".She had tears in her eyes when she said this but before anyone could ask her anything, she left and never looked back.

Aditi and Anand did not understand it but as they came out of the airport, they found Ryan standing outside, lost and forlorn.Suddenly everything seemed crystal clear.

"Come. Let's go" - said Anand and took Ryan along with them as they left the airport.

(To be continued...)

Thoughts of the Past - IX

Anand and Aditi finally decided to tie the knot.In a week's time from now, they had planned their wedding to be. Aditi did not want to tell her parents about it but on Rya's insistence, she told them. Rya was flying back to the States the day after Aditi's marriage. She spent only one week at her home and things had not changed between her parents even by the slightest measure. They had settled perfectly in their imperfect lives. She spent most of her vacation at Aditi's. She did not meet Ryan after that day. Aditi tried raising the topic once but sensing Rya's discomfort, she left it. They never talked about it again. 

Rya was staying with Aditi for the whole week prior to the marriage and she had her flight from there itself. One fine evening while Aditi and she were having their tea, the phone bell rang. Aditi picked it up.

"Hello" - said Aditi and after a second turned towards Rya and said "It is for you".

Rya looked surprised and took the receiver from Aditi.

"Hello" - said Rya.

"Hi."

There was a long pause of silence.

"I don't really ..." - continued Rya.

"I want to meet you Rya.Can you come to the Trent Cafe near the Z Square at 5 o' clock tomorrow evening?"

"Why?" - asked Rya.

"I will tell you there."

"Ryan...I don't want to..." - continued Rya but was cut short by Ryan.

"I will wait for you" and he hung up.

Rya kept the receiver down and looked perplexed. She kept thinking and on turning back found Aditi staring at her. 

"I think you should meet him" - said Aditi and went.

@Trent Cafe

It was 35  minutes past 5 o' clock. Ryan waited for Rya. He already had two cups of coffee but he still believed that Rya would come. He had been waiting for this moment since the day he met her at Aditi's place. He did not know what to say to her but he knew that he wanted to see her.He had always missed Rya but never so badly. Sometimes someone's absence becomes so permanent that his/her presence becomes disturbing and makes you badly miss him/her even when you know that he/she is just a kilometres away. He was so much lost in the thoughts of the past that he did not notice the familiar silhouette coming towards him.

"You should not have worn this shirt."

"Hey hi...I did not see you coming.I thought you would not come but I felt you would." - smiled Ryan.

"Your thoughts were justified"- said Rya and sat down.

Ryan smiled and said " What's wrong with my shirt?"

"You know it very well Ryan."

"Rya...I do not know why you hate me so much but I am sure of it. I have always tried to see you happy and I have also tried to be in touch with you always. At times I try figuring out what could have driven you mad at me but I fail to see enough reason behind it.The reason why I wanted to see you today is to know the reason behind this feeling of yours."

Rya looked at Ryan and did not say anything.Her eyes looked wildly calm and her face was dangerously serene.

Ryan continued  "You were my best friend in college and you did not even feel it necessary to tell me that you were leaving for your MS. I wrote you consistently but you never replied me back. You came to India after four years and you did not even tell me. I cannot ever possibly tell you how glad I was to see you that day but I was not sure if you felt the same. I agree I did not tell you about my feelings for someone else but does it justify the way you have been punishing me since then?"

Rya still sat silent.

"Rya. You mean a lot to me. I can never tell you the extent I have gone to protect our friendship. I did not want to see a day like this.I want an answer from you today or at least a reason justifying it." -  said Ryan and looked expectantly towards Rya.

Rya finally broke her vow of silence.

"You know Ryan, this is precisely the same question which I have been asking to myself for the past four years. And you would be surprised to know that I found out the answer only yesterday night. I always thought or may be I liked to think that the reason was your secrecy of feelings for that girl but it was not. Why would I possibly be still angry at you and not even want to talk to you. You did not say any of us and all of us should have reacted the same way. Why did I feel different? I would not like to believe that I felt so because I was your best friend. Aditi has not said many things to me but I am not angry at her and she is still my best friend. It is good that we met today because even though I never meant to say you this but yesterday night, I felt I should."

Rya took a pause and looked at Ryan who was looking at her with the same eyes as that evening 7 years before when they met at the park.

"I loved you" - said Rya.

Ryan did not know what to say. He was spellbound. He knew this since the inception of it but listening to it from her lips was different. It felt so amazing. At that moment, he wanted to say that even he did - perhaps much much before than when she felt but he did not want to stop Rya from saying what she wanted to. He kept silent.

Rya continued "Ryan, I always hated the idea of falling in for a person like you especially after that fresher's night. But I could not. Something inside me always kept getting attracted towards you. I have always been selfish in my friendship with you because I always wanted you to reciprocate my feelings back. I did not know this consciously but if you ask me today, yes I must have wanted it. As always, falling in love ruined our friendship Ryan and today I am here not because you asked me to, but because I felt I should apologize to you for what I did to us.I am sorry and I mean this from the bottom of my heart."

Ryan did not see this coming but he definitely felt happy at the prospect of getting Rya back in his life. He did not want Rya to apologize for anything but the fact that Rya was talking to him comforted him.He smiled back at Rya and hugged her.

They ordered two cappuccinos and started talking about their respective lives since they left college.

Talking to Rya reminded him of the better days of the past. It felt so great. He felt the missing link getting complete.After years, he knew he was happy.He wondered what held him back from declaring his feelings for Rya. She was the perfect one for him. He felt his logic was at fault because if spending one hour with this person felt so wonderful, spending an entire lifetime would be stunning.He had been tired of pursuing the wrong persons and Aditi's and Anand's marriage had instilled in him the confidence to confess his feelings for Rya. He felt this was the right moment for it. He knew that he was ready for it.

"Rya...I want to say something to you." - said Ryan.

"Go on Ryan."

"I love you too." -  said Ryan.

Rya was befuddled. She had the weirdest expression on her face. She was emotionally dumb.

Ryan continued "Infact, I have been in love with you for the past eight years Rya. I was never courageous enough to confess it to you. I thought I would lose you. But despite that, I lost you and today when I have found you, I do not want to lose you again. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me Rya. I don't believe I am doing this but will you marry me?"

Ryan looked at Rya with the eyes of a batsman who was scoring the winning sixer. He was one word away from his moment of euphoria. He so badly wanted it to be a Yes.

" I am in a relationship for the past two years Ryan" -  said Rya and had the same expression which Ryan had a few years before.

(To be continued...)

An Apology

(Perhaps you were expecting the continuation of the story which I have been writing for the past few months. Well, it takes a certain mood to write fiction and presently I do not think I could do justice to the plot if I attempted to write it. So I refrained myself from doing so. I am genuinely sorry for the delay. I promise to come up with it very soon though.)

The evening today was wildly romantic and the night alarmingly beautiful.I had no plans of writing this post but insomnia ( which is rare for a person like me) forced me to.Accidentally, I came across a few old mails in my mail box which I hadn't read since college.I read them.It was a lovely experience. To tell you the truth,I was juvenile and a first class idiot( but in a sweet way).It is mind blowing when you realize your own idiocy without anyone else having to tell you about it.I had a hearty laugh and I made it a point to mention it to a few dear friends of mine too.However there were certain mails from some other friends too whom I could not call up.It is not the present which forbade me to but the past which held me back.I dedicate this impromptu post of mine to a friend out there whom I might have hurt - knowingly or unknowingly.

I must have been extremely arrogant to have written you that mail on a new year. I obviously have no reasons to defend me.I know how it feels when one stands on the shores of the sea - contemplating about it. It could have been a tempestuous odyssey or an awesome voyage. I have been there myself. But it gave me no right to trade my stand with that of yours.It must have been really difficult on your part to forgive me...may be you still have not. I just want to apologize you for each and everything that ever happened to you because of me. I know I cannot undo it but perhaps I can make myself feel better when I say that I did it because I knew - everything else was simply meant to be broken. 

PS: There never is one ship on the harbour but the sea is freaking lovely!

Thoughts of the Past - VIII

She kept looking at the card. She tried not to believe it but she had to. Anand was marrying in a week’s time and there was nothing which Aditi could think of to stop it. She did not understand why it bothered her. Anand did ask her to marry him but it was she who had denied it. She failed to understand herself. She did not know what to do. She knew that she needed to talk to someone. She did not know how to contact Rya. She felt helpless. She called up Ryan.

“Hello. Ryan here.”

“Hi…” – said Aditi in a choked manner.

“Aditi? … Aditi...is it you?”

“Ryan, can u come over to my place?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

***********************************************************************

Aditi opened the door and Ryan found her in tears.

“What’s the matter?”

“Anand is getting married.”

“Who told you?”

“This.”- said Aditi and showed the card.

“You opened my bag?” – cried Ryan.

“And you did not tell me about it?”

“Aditi. I had come to tell you about it. But Rya took my mind off it. I am so sorry.”

“He is getting married!!I can’t believe it.” – exclaimed Aditi.

“But why does it bother you? You did not want to marry him and if he wants to start his life anew, what’s wrong in it?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t know. I mean, it should not have bothered me at all but I don’t know why it makes me sad. Somewhere deep down my heart, I believed that Anand still loved me. To tell you the truth, I still haven’t forgotten him Ryan.”

“Why did you turn him down for marriage?

“I wanted him to ask me face to face. I did not want to marry someone who proposed me through a letter. I was adamant on it. I never told him a NO. I just did not reply to him. Having known me all these years, I thought he would understand me. It was my arrogance speaking but at the end of it, I lost him. I lost him Ryan...not just once but twice.” – sobbed Aditi.

“I think you should talk to him.”

“About what? What should I tell him Ryan? … That even after being married to someone else, having loved someone else and having been a widow of someone else, I still haven’t forgotten him?? Or should I tell him that his thoughts still comfort me?? Or should I tell him that I still like him the way I did 8 years before?? My heart may play truant but not my mind Ryan. I don’t want to complicate things now. He never came in between Vishal and me. I don’t want to ruin his life. I just can’t do it.”-  cried Aditi.

“Aditi. Just answer this. Do you still love him- YES or NO?”

“If every question had an answer in Yes/No, we would have a few words in the dictionaries Ryan.”

“Yes or a NO?”

“Ryan…you don’t understand. It doesn’t even matter.”

“Yes or a NO?”

“Yes. I do.” – said Aditi.

Ryan smiled and took hold of Aditi’s hands and dragged her away with him towards the car parked outside. He drove off.

***********************************************************************

They stopped in front of a house. Ryan got down and opened the door for Aditi.

“Where are we Ryan? Why did you get me here?” – asked Aditi with eyes of suspicion.

“It’s Anand’s house Aditi. He bought it just to stay close to you. He never came in front of you because he could not see you this way. He has always perceived you as the bubbly girl he knew at college. It pained him to see you like this. He doesn’t stay here always but whenever he gets time, he comes here just to see you. He is still very much in love with you Aditi. Trust me.”

“And the card?” – asked Aditi with an askance.

“It was fabricated by me. I knew you loved him still. I just had to elicit it out of you. Aditi, don’t let your ego come in between you. You deserve a better life dear.”

Aditi looked at Ryan and hugged him.

***********************************************************************

Ryan rang the door bell.

Anand opened it. He was dumb founded.

Ryan smiled looking at Anand and left.

Aditi and Anand kept looking at each other and neither of them spoke.

Finally Anand said, “Come inside. It’s cold outside.”

Aditi went inside and Anand locked the door from behind. They sat in the living room. They still did not know what to say. They sat for almost half an hour without saying a word and then finally Aditi got up.

“I think I should leave.” – said Aditi.

“You still haven’t replied to me Aditi.” – asked Anand.

“Reply to what?”

“To my letter.” – said Anand.

“If I say that I never got it…” – said Aditi and looked towards Anand.

“Then I must say that you still haven’t changed at all and I like you being this way.” – cried Anand.

Anand continued “Aditi, will you marry me?”

“Is it out of sympathy?” – asked Aditi with a smirk.

“No. It is because it has always been you for me. I have never thought a life without you Aditi. I want to grow old with you Aditi.”

Aditi had tears in her eyes and she ran towards Anand and hugged him.

“I hope it’s not a dream Anand. I love you and I do want to marry you.”

They looked at each other and shared the most passionate kiss ever.

(To be continued...)

Thoughts of the Past - VII

3 years later 

Aditi never replied to any of Rya’s mails. She had taken up the job of a lecturer at the engineering college where she studied. Her parents tried convincing her to come back home and start life afresh but she did not relent. She had a modest life within the college campus and Ryan was one of the few visitors whom she entertained. Occasionally Ryan took her out for dinners but nothing could bring back her smile. She would wear a constant expression on her face which was neither of joy nor of sorrow. She had become indifferent towards everything in life.

3 years had changed nothing in her life except for the fact that she had become more mature about it. At times she smiled when Ryan bantered with the waitresses on their regular Saturday night dinners. Ryan had always been with her all this time. He had 4 flings in the mean time and none of them lasted for more than a month. His affairs were never a secret to Aditi and after every break up, Ryan was always greeted with a smile from her. They never discussed how it was to be interpreted. Aditi never went out with any one though she was approached by many. According to her, she had her share of love and she did not want more of it. The past three years had brought Aditi and Ryan more close than they ever were. They understood each other perfectly except for the moments when they scanned through old photographs. There was always an awkward silence reigning. Aditi still did not understand Ryan’s point of view for Rya and Ryan never understood Aditi’s stand for Anand.

2 years before, Aditi had received a letter from Anand asking her to marry him. Aditi never replied him back too.

One day, while Aditi was buying her usual stock of groceries from a near by departmental store, she heard a familiar voice at the counter. The person was asking the cashier about some address. Aditi kept looking towards the counter. She knew that she knew this person but something in her held her back. She was standing…standing still and staring…waiting…waiting for something to happen. She did not want to hide. She did not want to run away. She did not want to shout either. She just wanted the person to look back. And finally it happened. There she was standing…her partner in every crime, her bench mate, her confidant and her best friend – Rya.

“Aditi!” – exclaimed Rya and came running towards her. They had the best hug ever.

“Where were you? How have you been? Why the hell did you never reply to my mails? Why why and why?????....I missed you so much!” – sobbed Rya.

Aditi replied “Let’s go home.”

They left the store for home.

***********************************************************************

Aditi and Rya sat on the sofa sipping tea and neither of them spoke for a long time.

Finally, Rya asked “Why did you never reply to my mails Aditi?”

“What would I reply?”- snapped Aditi.

“Anything Aditi. Anything. I wanted to talk to you.You could have given me your number. I would have called you. I wanted to be with you. “

“And how would that have mattered to me Rya. Fact is fact. I had to embrace reality and you, sitting thousands of kilometers away from me, could have done nothing to alleviate it. The most that you could have done is, may be write a few more mails asking me to move on in life, a few words of sympathy over a call etc etc. I did not need any of that Rya. I needed time…for the wounds to heal.” – said Aditi and smiled.

Rya did not what to say. She was blank. She managed to divert the topic and asked Aditi about how she had been all this while. They talked and talked for hours but Aditi did not mention Ryan to her…even for once. Rya was done with her Master’s and was now pursuing her PhD. She would be done with it by next year end. She had come to India for the first time since she left for US. She seemed pretty happy and upbeat about life.  

At this point of time,the door bell rang. Aditi went to open the door.

“Who is it Aditi?” – asked Rya when Aditi came back.

Ryan followed her.

Rya stood up on seeing him. In a moment, everything flashed back her mind. The fresher’s night, their friendship, the college days, the final year, the years thereafter…everything. Ryan had not changed at all. He still sported his rimless specs and had the same coiffure. He was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans. The only difference was that now he had more grey hairs. To Ryan, Rya looked entirely different. She had become fair, elegant and attractive. For the first time, he found her beautiful. He had always been in love with her but never attracted to her so profoundly.

They stood for a long time amidst an odd silence. None of them dared break it. Rather, they found it comforting.

Finally Aditi spoke “Ryan, have a seat. I will get some snacks and a cup of coffee for you. Rya, do you want coffee?”

Rya did not answer. Aditi asked her again and she denied. Aditi left for the kitchen.

They had so much to say that they did know where to start and how to start. 4 years had passed by since they met for the last time.

“How are you?” – asked Ryan

“Fine.”

“Hmm. And your studies? In job?”

“No. I am doing my PhD. Hopefully I should be done with it by next year end.”- said Rya.

“Any plans of coming back to India?” – continued Ryan when he was cut short by Rya.

“Cut the crap Ryan. How does it even bother you? Do you still think we are friends?”

“I think we always were.”

“No. We never were. Think about it Ryan and then come back to me.”

Rya got up to leave. Ryan held her hand and asked her “One last question Rya, why did you never reply back to my mails?”

Rya looked back, freed her hand from his clutch and said “I did not think it to be necessary.”

And she left. Ryan stood speechless. He looked back and found Aditi standing. She went inside. He left.

Late at night, when Aditi was going to sleep, she found Ryan’s bag lying on the sofa. She picked it up and placed it on the side table near her bed. She was about to resume her novel when she thought of opening it. It was against her morals but something inside her kept pestering her to do so. Finally she gave in and opened the bag. There was a notebook, a pen and a jacket inside. Nothing extraordinary. She took out the notebook and opened it. The handwriting seemed familiar. She knew it. She had seen it somewhere. She remembered it finally. Rya had shown her the notes which she used to receive way back in college and this handwriting matched with that of it.

“So, it had always been Rya for him and he still doesn’t want to tell her about it.”-  thought Aditi.

She closed the notebook and was about to place it inside the bag when a card fell from it. It was a wedding card. She picked it up. A chill ran down her spine. One of the names was familiar.

It read “Anand weds Sangeeta”.

(To be continued…)