Inane Beliefs

Neither do I hate him for what he ever did to me nor do I like him for what he is doing still.Yet somewhere in my psyche,he is my concern though I don't know in what capacity.I have never questioned either his words or his demeanour.He is so different from what he claims to be.At times I am skeptical of having ever known him also.I don't know what category he fits into either.

At times human beings are so blinded by their convictions that they fail to notice the obvious.They don't accept...to be precise-they don't try to accept reality.Perhaps I am one of them.I hate it to say that I know it ...but I still succumb to it.Coz of a reason which is not so simple.

The Quest

"What am I running after...Where is my final destination...Why don't I get satisfied with what I have in my life..."

There are a many why's and what's to be answered still.

I have a pretty decent life.I earn.I have a loving family.I have an okay salary ;) and a pretty fine professional life as well.I have a respectable education and most importantly I have found the one in my life too.Then what is it that I am seeking for?I never tend to be content with what life does to me.I seek more and that perfectly is what I call my ambition.It drives me crazy.

I do not know what is the kind of life I aspire for...still I ask for more.I want to get higher and higher in life...thought I don't know where that higher ends.I want the best's of life...but I have no idea what this superlative signifies.I dream of fame and higher education and eventually (to be frank )money...but I am not sure if I will have the time to spend it.Desires exist and I have found the path as well but I do not know if its worth it.

I wish life was simple...atleast my thinking and my aim could have been.But then I get just one life.The craze is to live it to the most.I want to experience life in its truest sense.I know my quest is never ending but I just have one wish...I want myself and the people whom I value the most to be the way they are now..forever and ever.

I just don't want to be a part of this philosophy

"I tried so hard and reached so far...but at the end it doesn't even matter".

?

"I don't understand what's happening to me.I am flustered.I am tense.I just didn't realize when and how this happened to me.But definitely this was never expected of me. A whirlpool of thoughts and a hurricane of questions.All that I know is it's definitely not right...."

-Majority of the common mass

"....if I go by what the world says.Not even the world rather what a fraction of the society (who never try to come out of their cocoon of idiosyncrasies) think.But who cares.I am answerable for my actions not for my thoughts...."

-A few

There is nothing right or nothing wrong in thinking.Nobody in the world cares what you think but they do care what you do.Each one of us know that there are a thousand of secrets buried deep down inside you which you yourself dread to face.And some of them if executed would mark you a heterodox as well.But our mind is like a no man's land.It breaks free all fetters .Why shouldn't it either? At least that's the realm where we think aloud. But for the few people who do what they believe is right- hats off to you.I call you guys "the intelligentsia."After all we define the protocols of living and anything that makes us happy at the end of the day justifies the single life we have been treasuring.

Still there are Peter Keating's in majority and Howard Roark's in minority.Your call?

A thought

When you don't understand how it feels like

When one stops breathing...

When one is lost somewhere...

When one stops being what he/she is...

When one stops living...

My dear Friend

Either you have never been in love or you have never borne a broken heart.

Still we celebrate and mourn for the same feelings with a hope in our heart that someday, somewhere,sometime - he/she will understand.

No strings attached

I never understood what you meant to me till yesterday night.I was feeling so terrible and there you were with your "available" status in gtalk.I cant tell you dear how much happy I was to find you online.I could just let go of everything I was going through.I don't know how you manage to understand me so perfectly.The geographical distances doesn't matter when it comes to you and me.Trust me when I say that you are the elixir to my woes.I can share with you almost anything and everything.You are more than a friend to me.I am so happy I ever met you.The world knows we are alter egos but I know you are my bestest half.Friendship has no better definition than you and me.I miss you so much dear.You mean to me more than any friend ever did.You are one of the best chapters of my life.Thanks for being my awesomest friend.

With love,

Duffy

The Untold

For all those times when I have been mad at you for no reason,angry on you for silly matters and having hated you for the uncountable misunderstandings ; I dedicate this to you.Neither I offer any explanation nor am I flaunting my love.Its just that certain things in life are better expressed this way.Perhaps the untold and the unheard phrases of life are beautiful because they are expressed different.And this is when people say "You are in love".

I never understood the why's and how's of your patience when it came to me.Every time we had a fight, it was you who always came back to me with a smile .It was always you who had a solution to the incompatibilities we had.It was again you who always had this amazing trust on me.You were the one I could always look up to and with you I could think loud.At times I wondered, why could I never be you?I do not know what I would have done had it not been YOU.

Thank you for being there and most importantly for being with me when am at my worst.Thank you for accepting me the way I am.Thank you for being what you are.Thank you for everything dear.It would take me a life time if I try to thank you for all that you have done to me but they say "You never have to say a sorry or thank you when you are in love" and I feel the same for you.I want to live my life with you the way we do.

An Identity

Its a sunday afternoon and I am perfectly idle.Before I could get into any devilish thought,I thought it better to pen down something.It depends on you how substantial it is.This blog is about me.

It has taken me years to know myself and I still am amazed when I find new shades to my personality.I am a soul who would refute the typical definition of a "girl" yet I am feminine.I am stubborn,headstrong yet emotional,love to live in my quixotic world yet pragmatic,dead ambitious but compromising and definitely the right person at the right place for the right things.I know my limits and whenever I feel my stray mind demands to cross this barrier,I don't let go of it.I have my own idiosyncrasies,my own ethics, my own principles but I bend them whenever I feel like satisfying my self-serving bias.I am a perfectly ordinary girl who dreams of achieving the extra ordinary.I am a person who has strong definitions of her likings and prejudices.I am not ideal and I err.Sometimes the sense of guilt which creeps into me is too strong.I strive to reach out to the excellence deep within me.I feel everything's relative in this life and so I have no absolute feelings.I have my own weaknesses and gladly enough I know them.I am an individual who loves her self-esteem and dignity more than anything else.I can fight against any odds for it.I dread to face my subconscious coz I know I have something over there which I would never like to face.I am not a maverick neither am a heterodox.I am a simple girl with the most complex psyche.

I am the person who would ideally love Howard Roark and I prefer solitude.I love everyone who is a part of my life and I am happy we ever met. I always try to find out the right reasons for anything that I do.I am absolutely content for everything I own and possess.I paint my illusions with the colors of my dreams.I have suffered a lot for not making it out to the top of what I ever desired of but now that everything seems to fall in place,I have come to know that I should always wait for the right time to come through.I know I just have to hold onto to make my dreams come true.I am the one who has realised that we will never get everything and anything that we crave for .Coz at the end of the day whatever happens, happens for a reason and that reason is always awesome.

I am an imperfect individual who tries to match the most of perfection.I know what I am and perhaps thats what drives me to the dead end of everything.Till I meet my subconscious, I know I will dread nothing.I am a part of the quarter life crisis now but I know I will come out of it too.I love my life and I live it.Perhaps thats what keeps me going on and on.You can call me a narcissist for this but I absolutely love myself.

Eluding Illusions

Human psyche is definitively recondite and beyond the obvious.It is the most nomadic aspect of one's self.The desires are never within the defined limits and the illusions linked with them keeps eluding.But this essence of life is what ...gets us going.

More than often, people are befuddled with respect to their career decisions.MS or an MBA,SAP or JAVA,Science or Humanities,St Stephens or Xavier's - well these questions will never end but what finally ends is the quest.The end result is -somewhere a born painter finds himself/herself in the cubicles of the IT industry where as somewhere else another burgeoning entrepreneur finds his/her niche in music.In matters of love, mind plays even worse.People tend to fall in love twice, thrice or may be multiple times even.No wonder, we have extra marital affairs and divorces.Well, I don't blame the individuals for this either.The plebeian won't fathom the depth of it.Because emotions have no fetters.

The vast sea of confusions is rooted deep within.The insatiable soul of humans always crave for more.The consecration of life doesn't come under the laws of human attraction.The illusions of having the best of times when dreams turn into realities is what drives the excellence from inside.Its far from truth though.Human aspirations never get buried.They reincarnate every moment when an illusion of yesterday converts into a fact of today.And till they don't materialize,they elude us.

Life essentially is an illusion.There are myriad aspects to it.The illusions have their own colors.They let u have wings and fly, even if its for a fleeting moment.And when the passion for these illusions gets strong,reality is driven.Now,one more illusion is born.Well thats how life is to be lived amidst wishful illusions beckoning a meaningful life.

After all, there's nothing absolute- everything is relative.You are free to live in your world of illusions.Thats where peace resides and so does human aspirations.Reality offers no solace.

Classroom to Conference Room

Huh...Finally I am back to my blogspace.Its been a really really long time.Life's been pretty decent all along this time though.But there has been a big difference in the mentality definitely.

I am now a one year old in the professional arena. A place where smartness blended with the right mix of intelligence survives.I still remember the day I joined TCS.With lofty aspirations, I set sail to embark on this ship of professionalism.The desire to earn was momentous.ILP - the training program in TCS was an extension of the 8 semesters in engineering .But reality is where I am today.

Bangalore is the place where my Software career kicked off.Got into a decent project within one month of being an elite member of the famous "bench".I was shortlisted among the best 5 from an interview of about 30 candidates. Well, that was an achievement in itself.In the rat race of getting "billed "when majority of the chunk were getting layed off ,it was definitely a feat.We were in the midst of recession which had gripped the world economy badly.Post Lehman collapse, IT industry was in doldrums and to my luck, I was in BFSI sector.However, somehow I managed to have my own workspace - my first "cubicle".

The world all of a sudden seemed harsh.The transition seemed hard to fathom.The "first name" culture dint go down well with me.The letters of "production","development" ,"SIT","UAT" etc. seemed to dance.The culture over here was too disciplined or may be I was accustomed to a different ambience.Colleagues seemed to be aliens.No one was keen to help out the freshers.We didn't have any say in the account.We were not even considered an entity.For a person like me who held too much importance to her dignity, this was sheer insult to her education and her identity.And to my dismay, the 8 hours of attendance was extended to include one hour more.Work seemed me to be the refuge of people who didn't have better things to do in life.I felt I was in Shawshank.

But I knew I had to work someday - if not here, somewhere else might be.

Gradually I started learning to work and more importantly working smart.In the meanwhile, I befriended some awesome people.I started adopting the culture of taking breaks - those most awaited "coffee breaks".I started knowing the difference between theoretical concepts and practical implementations.Being in a Consultancy, I knew how to talk business and how to get business done.Work started getting better.Colleagues seemed approachable and friendly.5 days at work were no more a torture.I got moulded into their definition of a technical analyst or a developer or a software consultant but for me I started loving where I was and where I still am.

In this entire odyssey from classes to conference rooms, I have many souls to remember and express my gratitude as well. But the one person whom I revere and will always held responsible for my positive attitude towards work would be my Project Manager.He is simply an awesome guy.He definitely does not qualify for the plebeian definition of "manager". I admire him.Apart from him,my friends were definitely a reason for my 9 hours of dedicated attendance.I have had crushes over here (as always) despite being "committed".I had awesome trips.I had marvellous outings with my friends.I enjoyed being a part of all that I had been. I have definitely loved being in this account.

Work is not always that bad.It depends on us how we try to define it.In this one year of being a part of the daily hustle bustle in bus,access cards,security checks etc. I have learned that working smart is the only answer to this professional world.The professional attitude is going to take us to where we would always like to be.But definitely not always.You can always find some people out of the common crowd whom you can trust at the end of the day.

Working is awesome when you have the right reasons to do so and the right people to work with and I am happy to be where I work today.I dont know where I would be tomorrow but I definitely know what it means to be "employed".

Naman

This is dedicated to the girl whom I could never say what she meant for me nor

can I ever do it .No matter how much we try, she is not going to return back to us.

She was a stranger to me in an unknown city.I still remember the day when her smile evaded all apprehensions and fears in my mind beckoning me to confide in her.I would never repent for having let out all my secrets to her. She was more than family to me.I was never ever taken care of this way. In her I started knowing an entity called "sister". Her mere smile comforted me.I had everything I craved for.The moments which I shared with her in the past six months will always be the days which I ever desired for since childhood.

I never realised how soon and stil how gradually she became so close to me. I respected her.I essentially loved her. I know not what to write when it is about her.Perhaps this is what certain bonds are- illegally one's own.

Binary Thoughts...

This extraordinary journey into the world of bits and bytes made us bikers of the woods from pedestrians of unknown corridors in a span of four years. We may not have been the torch bearers of this glamorous branch but we definitely have left behind a legacy of our own in all these years. From being truly insincere to fiercely determined – we have always met the aspirations we set for. The platform hasn’t always been captivating but it was enough to invoke dormant spirits fire and make a niche for them. We came here dreaming chapels of candy but today we are leaving this citadel of treasured memories to build castles of reality. No matter where we are today or where we will be tomorrow, CET will always be that great culture which has given us our name and COMPUTER SCIENCE the learning that identified us.

The tradition at CET was different when we enrolled as freshers in the year 2004. We started off as a diverse archive of unfamiliar faces then. Computer science was a mere subject of 3 grades and it had no significance other than being taxonomy. The possessiveness n pride in being a Compscite at CET featured in 3rd year when the class of 2008 got classified into the respective departments. We got introduced to our core disciplines, our faculties, our Head of the Department and most importantly our department. The feeling was naïve then but gradually it developed into a sense of being an imperial part of this family. This distributed architecture of creative processors had their optimum performance in the last two years executing classes, bunking, fun, projects, culfests, picnics, seminars and everything and anything under the sun.

The moments spent have been so amazing that we never noticed when we reached the apogee of this odyssey. It still feels being dressed in yellow and whites on that momentous Welcome day on the 6th of October, 2004 apprehending the friendliness of the faces and the department we had embraced. The last digit has changed and so has the day but what remains constant is the name and the identity we have been awarded. And along with it we carry the bit maps of the times we have been together under this department which is genuinely “class apart”.

                                                                   - 18th APRIL '08 ( Farewell party)

Another day...

Celebrating this day with you as my soul mate has been an eon's wait.Miracles do happen for its not banal that a shooting star wish comes true.Waking up to your love seems so magical.The night of the gloom is over and days of happiness reign.Passions have found refuge in your heart.

I don't need an occasion to revel our love but as a tribute to the person who understood this beautiful emotion of life so stunning.....I offer myself to thee.

Voice Within.....

Nothing better than this could have expressed my thoughts for you today..... " When thou shalt be disposed to set me light,

And place my merit in the eye of scorn,

Upon thy side against myself I'll fight,

And prove thee virtuous, though thou art forsworn.

With mine own weakness being best acquainted,

Upon thy part I can set down a story

Of faults conceal'd, wherein I am attainted,

That thou in losing me shalt win much glory:

And I by this will be a gainer too;

For bending all my loving thoughts on thee,

The injuries that to myself I do,

Doing thee vantage, double-vantage me.

Such is my love, to thee I so belong,

That for thy right myself will bear all wrong. " ~ Shakespeare

Impressions Indelible…

(A codicil to Impressions anonymous…)

I was wrong when I felt
“It’s not possible to look beyond…m held back…I don’t want to regress…”

Because…

We are edging ahead in our friendship immaculately and have begun to understand the essence of it letting go of our damn egos. Those eight months of silence have been a hallmark. The misunderstanding…the malignance…unbearable suffocation…the choke…tears…bitterness…separation…repentance…helplessness and hypocrisy …everything has been killed now with just one mail .You know what…I admire him for the right reasons :)

I don’t know what was it that I was waiting for. I could have tried mending old ties but still I didn’t…perhaps there lies my being human coz I never falter erring ;). I still remember the evening which brought me back the part of my life which was missing…an integral thread attached to it. There was something different…something unusual. A sense of loneliness had gripped me strong. I had stopped checking mails on my Yahoo Account and it was not until a month or so that I was generous towards it. But that eventide I logged in and to my utter dismay there wasn’t a single mail worth reading. Quite expected …Gmail rules my day nowadays. I was about to delete them all but there was this simple word which could bring a smile on everyone’s lips corona ting the subject of one of the mails… a “Hi” that caught my attention. The sender’s name seemed so familiar…but I had to pinch myself twice to ascertain it. I could have never felt so better reading any of his earlier mails than this time. It was not lengthy neither did it bear any kind of formality… but it had the dint in it to thaw the ice in our friendship subtly. It brought me back my smile…my friend…and above all my trust.

I dint know how to start the conversation with…should it be another of those “hi’s” (the most meaningful word I have ever come across) or a “thr” (as I usually start off with) or just a smile (As I rarely do ;)). But once we started talking …trust me I didn’t feel the unwanted hiatus that had grappled us once. It was so nice…so pleasant talking to him and after all those months I had many things to share too (that included the reasons he keeps on asking me treats today: P).Things had changed a lot…if not in his life but definitely in mine…but happily the persons were still the same :). Since then life has set sail smoothly…and I have nothing to brood over. The colors of life are myriad and reasons for happiness infinite…we just have to search and make them a part of our beautiful life and our extraordinary psyche.

I don’t feel the awkwardness any more…neither do I have to be hypo critic.I am the way I am…candid and felicitous. I can still share anything under the sun with him. He hasn’t changed either nor has his self proclamations of being handsome ;)…flippant and frivolous as always. I think I have begun to know him much better now…as a friend and as a person both. Things could have got better much earlier had I read the comments on my earlier blogpost but Ididn’t. If I start counting the number of times I have failed to make thingsbetter…I would live all my life with an unforgiving guilt. When life’s good why should I look back for the wrong reasons? Destiny finds its way.

I guess I have met a soul who could be loved…hated but never ignored. He has an estimable ego in him and is a knight heart and soul. Falling apart with him was a lovely experience…a memorable chapter of my life’s odyssey because it has taught me to be divine. Life’s the greatest teacher… thanks to the persons who have beautified it.

I believe he became a part of my life for a reason…and has decked it with unflawed footprints.
The “best” is definitely a one time impression but the traces of it are always indelible.

This tryst has silenced the stormy thoughts of dubious glances. It had submerged but never got uprooted and today it rises above all fetters with no strings attached. The impressions of this fine friendship will continue to be “the best” ones…as ever.

Stay tuned!!!

This space is dedicated to one of those few inspirational numbers which can bring a difference in one’s life.

Here are a few lines that personally appeal me.

“Khoya sab kucch toh kya hua
Paane ka ab mujhey hai junoon …”

“Ansoo agar bhi miley
hasne ka hai junoon…”

“Sapnon ko fir sajaye
umeedon ko jagaye…”

“Suni raaho mein bhi humsafar ka junoon…..”

It’s nothing but the philosopher’s stone for the ignited minds in us. Not only does it inspire us to achieve the zenith with a fanatic bent of mind but also the perfect embodiment of exemplary optimism. Each n every line has the drive in it to push us forward and to pursue our dreams with an indomitable determination.

The passion to live n to wake up the soporific expectations in us finds an ultimate niche. It’s a call to deck our ambitions…to fire potential desires…have the flair to talk n live up to one’s promises with panache. No matter if one loses in the skirmishes of life…he has battles to fight which calls for a triumphant pluck. Even in one’s tears the drive to keep smiling marks the desire to excel. If one can feel the passion in one’s eyes…in his words…in his failures n in his success…in his commitments…in his dreams...in his destination…he can find his soul mate even in the corridors of solitude.

The Passion of Christ finds its ultimate in this vocal…food for pristine thoughts!!

Subtle Seven...

No promises to be broken

No desires to fulfill
Neither do I expect You
To be with me in moments
Euphoric or still.....

That you are a part of me
My yesterday n my tomorrow
Is what I know
But all that I would always celebrate is You
Understanding me more n more.....

The best thing that has ever happened or could ever have been a part of this beautiful life of mine is definitely "you" and for all the times when u ask me if i loved you.....

Its always "I DO"

Class Apart...

I am befuddled at times when I get to cognize people getting intimidated by whom they term “class apart” but in this fussy itinerary of life where mediocrity rules and uniqueness lies latent, does this “class apart” genre genuinely deserves the attention it gets. I beg to differ.

Every other day I get to listen about some admirable facet in some estimable persona …ruling the minds of the plebian. The fetters of generalization aren’t yet arcane that we shall begin succumbing to another of the social maladies. Don’t get me wrong. I am not against admiring anybody but I definitely am not in for idolizing a mortal .There are a myriad factors deciding the success index of an individual and one can never classify the capabilities and potential without placing them on a common platform. Being an attaboy or an attagirl isn’t easy…I agree but don’t u think there’s definitely radical about every person and if one realizes this potency, it paves the way to the apogee.

There’s a fine line of demarcation between admiration n apotheosis. One admires when he/she finds the other prodigious and is eager to carve a niche for his own…to get identified. It’s when you try to delve deep into your self and discover that “extraordinariness”…that passion to excel and succeed and be a winner driving your admirers crazy…be a genesis to your class of progeny. But when you exalt it vindicates failure…surrender…an ignominy to your singularity. There’s nothing as perfect as perfect. When you are human…when you are a part of the taxon “class apart”…wherein lays the necessity to search divinity or relegate?

Each one of us has the fire in him/her to be admired but none to be idolized lest you have come across a sycophant or an adolescent.

Femininity's Essence...

Sometimes she finds it difficult to breathe her entire life and sometimes she feels she lived it all in those few seconds….. And those few moments.

It’s in her felicitous face and cherubic innocence…..when she means the entire world for the two most selfless people on this earth…..a genesis to the beauties of life. A progeny to the expectations n aspirations of many…..to realize dreams which her mother wanted to…..n to make her father proud with her accomplishments. Everything that she does speaks the way she has been brought up…..the values she has imbibed…..the principles she has been taught n the culture she belongs to…..You find your daughter in her.

It’s when she is in the laps of the soul who envies her for the attention she gets…..caresses her n begins getting concerned in her puerility…..when she still is being considered that naughty little kid she had been all along. She lets all secrets out to her…..ties that sacred thread of love on his hands…..is a part of all those spicy nothings n piquant thefts…..in all those altercations…..pillow fights…..dining talks…..in all those hugs n in all those words which take her to realize the heights of life.....You find your sibling in her.

It’s when she doesn’t miss a class even when the mercury is soaring high…..writing notes….learning by rote…..completing assignments…..n in listening to all those words of wisdom. Her success n her achievements bring admiration n recognition…..her talent…..her sincerity…..the devotion n her verity speak volumes of the tenets of erudition she is crowned with…..You find your student in her.

It’s when she confides in you…..understands you…..lends her shoulder for your tired soul to lean on in times of happiness n sorrows n even in times in between. In your need…..solace…..exalt…..loneliness…..the one individual whom u can always look up to with no expectations to meet…..with no promises to break…..with no errs to fall apart…..no pretensions…..no hypocrisy…..no pride…..no prejudice…..far from the egos…..away from apprehensions n fears…..standing loft with the best moments lived…..no strings attached…..You find your friend in her.

It’s when she rediscovers herself and the passion in her…..an ignited mind which fights for the love she craves for…..knowing him more n more. Every time her eyes met his, an unknown emotion of blush creeps in breaking the camouflage which even her mother failed to do in all these years. The crimson in her betrays her fortitude…..her ego…..her will and she surrenders herself totally. Her fantasies turn into fanciful realities and seraphic pulchritude. She understands…..cares…..adds meaning to one’s life and falls in for the best emotion as ever…..You discover your love in her.

It’s when you find yourself in her…..realize that she is the one….when her smile dawns the day bright for you n when she indeed understands you. You discover happiness in her patience…..her concern…..her possessiveness…..acceptance…..and coy NO’s. She proves to be an elixir for your tiredness…..a balm for your stresses…..a question to your felicity…..an answer to your passions…..and a prop in your silence. She shares it all….loves you heart n soul. You just can’t imagine a life without her…..so void…..so dull…..embrace a dependency that you take pride in…..n enamors you for the person you are. She makes you feel complete.....You find your soul mate…..your wife in her.

It’s when she gives you birth…..nurtures you…..n you are a part of her. You find her in your footprints…..alphabets…..hymns…..didactics…..tenets….values n dictions….refinement…..personality n in anything n everything that u find a definition to. She is with you in ur maladies….ur errs….ignominies….ur failure n in ur success….ur ideals n she literally breathes in you. Her tirades teach you the direction you got to sail through…..her tears held u back…..her words fondle you n gives you the best of life. You find your mother in her.

It’s not where her odyssey ends…..rather the beginning to cognize the essence in her femininity more n more…..

Guitar moods.....

A walk on a moonlit night with the waves gently kissing the sands…
A candle lit dinner in a glass penthouse…
A long drive among the woods an autumn evening…
A waltz in the rain…


Speaking love softly in the stillness of the night…
Surreptitious glances…
Evening charms…melting moments…
And in all those careless whispers…



A ride when the whole world sleeps…
Feelings…expressions…passions…
Long odysseys…
And in sweet nothings…

In compliments…subtle coyness…n in holding hands…
In nearness…in faraway ness…
In all those waits…and reveries…
In Bated breaths…unspoken words…n in your trusted promises…


You sing to me the rhythm of love…..

Impressions anonymous...

A figment of imagination it seems now but in reality knowing this soul has been one of the loveliest chapters of my life. Every individual that we come across in our life’s odyssey is a stranger at the first instance but only when certain unknown yet familiar chord strikes do we embark upon a relationship- sometimes it has a name and sometimes it doesn’t but the essence lies in the beauteous way that we lived it.


This is dedicated to one of those momentous trysts I would always love to remember.

I was going through one of the darkest phases of my life-dreams shattered and aspirations buried both professionally n personally. It was then when I seeked Orkut for refuge coz human souls were the last persons one would love to face at such times of crisis…they somehow manage to strip off the hypo critic self deep within (- so glamorously smiling even when a thousand waves are breaking at the shores of their heart) and make reality ubiquitous.Orkut seemed to be a welcome change. Friends…acquaintances…communities…fans…testimonials…blogs…and last but not the least were the unknown realm of strangers whom I never wanted to befriend with!!!


But this time it was different…I never knew why or may be I never wanted to know!!!


The tryst had its roots from his name…his identity didn’t matter but that we had a common friend did. Somehow we managed to complete those 3 F’S-first rules of formality in friendship in our rudimentary mails. I still dint have any inkling dat this bond which had begun so casually would bring that person so close to me later on. I always did and still do acknowledge my inclination towards this friendship for his impeccable English. Though I don’t know about his parlance for the same coz we hardly ever spoke other than our mother tongue but his mails were definitely pieces of fine literature to me. I always held English as my passion and he had the flair. Mails n occasional chats…that were how it had its genesis.

Within a few days of two strangers changing over to friends(world’s most cherished kinship) I could sense I had come in touch with one of the most sensible souls I ever came across…mind blowing sense of hypocrisy he had… yet the dint in him to understand human emotions most beautifully amazed me. He was known for being a genius in academics…a computer geek…a student of one of the most elite institutes…blah blah blah… but to me all of this meant nothing. For me he was always a prankster…a friend who always had his ears for my incessant chatter n my uncanny thoughts…a decoder…a radical thinker n a soul who virtually breathed novels…

I could share nething under the sun with him…happiness dint ask for provocation but woes did. And I was sure the next moment I lived was sanguine. The renaissance had begun to show its colour in me…I was coming out of my cocoon of idiosyncrasies n moments that once seemed to torture their presence in my heart had begun weaning. I had started living in the present. But to those people who felt that he dint have his share of story...I must say you are mistaken. He too was a human n most importantly a man. Love was one emotion which every individual experienced n trust me his love was… n still is… so stark n so bonafide that I admired him for the same. I believed love to be a confession n he believed it was true friendship (just like the leading pairs of the magical trio) but both of us agreed its reciprocation was immaterial. Apart from these emotional facets we had our own share of asking each other treats…teasing…crushes...novels…and all those sweet nothings that two friends shared….I was oblivious of the fact that we had become good friends…real good friends…all dis while.

The first time we talked…I was nervous (I still wonder for that was blue moon for an extrovert like me) but as I got to know his voice… he sounded to me no less than any commerce graduate cycling on the college streets…insouciant…nonchalant…ever ready to cone treats for reasons funny n weird…a great sense of humour spiced with flippancy n topped with revelling chivalry but deep down his heart …a friend for a life time. But the most fascinating episode of this lovely tryst was that he had no idea of how I looked like n I couldn’t recognize him in any snap apart from the one his orkut profile sported. It was extraneous coz our friendship was based on trust even though we were miles apart…based on faith rather than freak outs…n it was beautiful…unadulterated. We knew each other well n understood our friendship’s nitty gritty.

To err is human…I always believed but I dint know I would jeopardize our friendship in failing to demarcate between fine emotions.Incitations were encouraging earlier …but this time it posed against my principles…still I gave in for the sake of our friendship but perhaps there was where I erred. Our friendship started tottering just like the castle of dreams built in open air…n I was a part of the reason behind this. Days passed by but dis time not at a fleeting pace coz they were days of agony. Just like any ordinary person under extraordinary pressure would behave…I tried to mend old ties…finally we met and I acted appalling obtuse…things dint better intrinsically for me neither was there any kind of compulsion to but we had made up our minds to start our friendship afresh…n that was better …much better for both of us…And finally on the eve of new year impressions of this tryst had a different savor…and I had started realizing and repenting for my folly that caused it all…it again dint count coz I believed we were friends again…and I was feeling choked to share my happiness that had started crowning me…all those reasons for which once I sought this tryst a recourse had started giving way to sunny mornings…I was reciprocated with a confession I always died for n this time I wanted to share this with him…someone whom I held one of my best friends…but destiny and may be life had a different flavour for it…and in a span of seventeen days of our friendship breathing brisk …events turned it topsy turvy…

Certain things in life seem so involuntary that you curse yourself if you cant help it fight against your ego…misunderstandings n breach of trust are a few of them. Even if you try to…you just can’t let it go. Even the kindest of souls will seek exception from this coz when heart gets hurt…it finds no solace however justified it may be. The only healer is time but your ego has taken you far ahead of those times when you could turn round …forget bitter times and shake hands. It’s not possible to look beyond. The person you severe your ties with may not be the sole person responsible but ego lets u go blind and its just not human to forgive…it takes to be divine.(I still remember the concept of the galaxy but trust me its difficult to implement practically…I accept I have my own ego n m human…).At times I repent…try to mull over where things went wrong…I find reasons…enough space to go back but when I think of the lovely times our beautiful friendship experienced…m held back…I don’t want to regress…

… Coz I believe “the best” is a one time impression.


I never thought the tryst to end this way…from unknown voices to known souls... submerged and dead under the mires of time but those anonymous feelings I realized later were impressions of fine friendship…”the best” ones…as ever…